Original article posted by Greg:

My Terrible Secret!

Oh yes! It deserves the exclaimation mark! As do subsequent sentences. ! You see, I have a terrible secret! One I’ve revealed to no one before this very day. A wonderful secret – it causes wonder! A marvelous secret – it is a marvel! A terrible secret – it is terrifying!
Yes, my friend, I have super-powers.

I suspect this might mean I’m mutant, ala X-Men. But I kinda doubt it as bald men in wheelchairs have yet to approach me about saving the world. There might be some sort of cover-up I’m not aware of, though, so I’m leaving my options open.

Yes, super powers.

I have the ability to annoy from great distances. Without any apparent effort on my part. Amazing!

I have the wit of ten witty men! Stunning!

I can pilot my car in a widdershins direction on my way to and from work! Mind Boggling!

I have tiny pupils! Egad! (this may be caused by some sort of tumor, and not actually a super-power. Hence Egad rather than Wowsa.)

I can spin a bar towel on my index finger! Zounds!

Through sheer force of will I can make the extremeties of my body move! Borf!

I can run like a very fast thing, but rarely do so! Yipes!

Please, my friend, my confidant, share this knowlege with no one. I shall rely on you for aid in desparate times. You shall know my agents by this call sign: “The geese are in the meadow.” and you shall respond: “But the farmer is green with typhoid and a slight case of SARS which will probably clear up in a week or two, good chum.”


Orginal comments:

Nickname: ravenpaine
Re: Meet Greg and his Terrible Secret!
This is the quality of writing that dastardly Greg has achieved while I have grown fat on my own thick and choclatey petard?! Curses, I shall not be foiled. Be prepared hairy one, for the dark man goes off to do something about returning.

A return theoretically charged with triumph.