February 2004

Original article posted by ravenpaine:

It’s good to know that you can still surprise your two time ex-girlfriend with the kind of amazing person you can be when your collected and have vested interest in the other persons well being.

It’s less good to spend two hours of not really sleeping at 5-7:00 in the morning complaining about the seeming lack of intelligence of your fellow gamer.

Now to tackle both of these subjects in the manner in which they are due.

Wendy visited for the weekend, sorta. Mostly she was here from Thursday to Saturday morning but she had to beat the weather out of here. I certainly hope that she did. It’s just plain nasty out there and while I have every confidence in the Wendy’s ability to accomplish any task I will worry, because its what I want to do.

We visited the Blue Kat for the first time and had tasty coffee drinks while listening to too loud music. (In the Blue Kat’s defence we were sitting next to a wall and that causes and echo from beyond.) Wendy summed up our particular experience there with, “It’s got the ambiance of a bowling alley.” Which I think it really did what with the noise and the children running around and the sort of odd billiard players in the dim light behind me.

Wendy discussed the relative attractiveness of the band members and I launched wave after wave of question at a the girl that I was once nearly engaged too but don’t actually know anything about.

Meanwhile Rowsdower and crew were busying themselves at the Game-a-thon. Which was going poorly from the outset. Too many computer/video gamers. Noone even attempting to play a board game or an RPG. Truly, the social aspects of gaming are crumbling beneath us and we are powerless to stop them. I blame the advent of pop culture and the insipid nonsense existence of the Olsen twins. I don’t care how many times I have confused dreams where Mary Kate attempts to enlist my aide in defeating her “evil” sister, Ashley, I’m still not going to be happy with their existences.

Evil, conniving, little coporate monsters.

Wendy and I quit the Blue Kat and met up with Kellie and Ryan at the house where we enjoyed music, conversation, hot teas, and a fire. I triumphantly broke the fire several times and Wendy had to save me with her actual useful SKILLS.

Finally I managed to get to the game-a-thon and pitch in my little bit of effort. Rowsdower’s Vampire game went decently even if this guy named Dominic is a loser and a fool. Erika played well if not showing the signs of inexperience and all was well.

This was, of course, the first and last game that we actually achieved to play all night. And I spent 40% of my brain power wondering if I would see Wendy on Saturday. (I did not, but I feel that our friendship is solid again and that’s worth five great triumphs. Bite me Napoleon and Alexander.)

There was some talk about reorganizing the game store and attempting to get more social gamers in for more revenue. I don’t know where these types of plans will go.

It’s 4:30 pm Saturday. I’m going to take a shower and survey my weekend options. I’m sure there is something brutally important I should be convincing myslef to do.

And I still have to finish the sonnet to the Wendy.

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: A tale of Triumph and Squabbling
I know about Napoleon, but what’s this about Alexander? I’m confused.

Nickname: thewendy
tooooo creepy.
warn me when you are going to be considerate of my feelings again.
it was very confusing.


Original article posted by squishous:

I was talking with a really good friend of mine the other day and we began discussing our chosen major. (I happen to be a Music Major) He tried to convince me that our major was, with very little reservation, the “toughest” major on campus. I initially agreed with him, I mean, how could anything compare with 2hrs -minimum- of practicing our instrument on top of all of the other homework and rehearsals. I couldn’t imagine a more difficult major. But, what do I know of other majors? I have taken 1010 courses out of my hind-end, but did that really give me an acurate glimpse of what that major is like? I know for a fact that MU1010 covers the scabs of what I study.

I think that it is time to give eveyone their due. I want to shout props out to Phys. Ed. Majors, to English Majors, to those studying to become sanitation removers. I have no idea what these majors intail and I certaily don’t want to spend my time learning what they are doing with their college years.

I am sick of students that think they are better than others, just because of their field of study. I am sick of the elitist bullshit that permeates the halls of the music building. I am tired of professors who think that nothing is better than good, healthy competition. But I am really tired of people who think they are on the recieving end of the persecution.

I don’t think that my friend would ever try and explain his music-major bias to an early childhood major. I certainly don’t think that anyone has such a mean streak in them that they would attempt to humiliate another human being. Every time I hear someone saying “this person is mistreating me because of my major, or because I don’t like the same things that they like,” I can’t help but wonder how many conversations they’ve had about some idiot who didn’t belong in their world because of a percived ignorance.

Hypocracy is rampant, ignorance is shamefully strong, and I am done ranting.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: gandhi2
….and if the class fees don’t kill you….
…then the cost of printing your damn assignments will. Here’s the lowdown on the Graphic Design major. the department is incredibly small(we have one full-time, and a part-time professor), we have outdated software(which, by the way, exists in one lab….all the courses take place in this lab, and we have lab access perhaps 20hrs/week), we have no on-sight capabilities to print any of our final work(instead we generally have to take it to the only printshop in town; this costs approximately $10-$20 a full color letter size page), and a single Graphic Design class fee is between $50-$150.

they tell us it will get better.

Original article posted by Dyistar:

It’s raining again. More like sleet really. In any case it is some sort of wetness falling from the sky, causing puddles and mud to appear everywhere. I keep wondering when it is going to stop. It’s been drizzling for days. I wish that the clouds would just release their load in one go. Maybe a large lightning bolt to start it off, just for show. Put some excitement back into these drab days.

Rainy days often make people lonely and I, unfortunately, am no exception. I am surrounded by people and yet they only intensify the loneliness because they are not the people I want to be surround by. I ache for those who I can no longer be with. Distance has something to do with it, but the hardest part is that I’m longing for something that has long passed out of existence. People grow up and apart, as those times of sitting on the bed, dreaming of future plans, slowly disappear as common interests are twisted into things of hate and mockery. I am longing after a memory of a friendship with someone who would tear me up with every chance I presented. And during my younger years I presented a lot. Hell, I still do. Although, I guess I shouldn’t feel too bad. Everyone has their moments of stupidity. Some just tend to make it a habit. Still, I remember those times well, and often, when there is only the darkness in my room, I lay awake wondering if she is doing the same. Or if I show up after sleep has invaded her body in the form of a nightmare. My mind drifts to thoughts of how to make it up to her, to fix the problem I started. Then I talk myself into believing that things are better the way they are and firmly put the topic out of my head.

Well, it seems the drizzle has stopped for the time being, and I have other tasks which need doing that involve far less introspection. Farewell for now.

Original article posted by -soma-:

holy moly…

Donald Revel. Awesome poet. He’s published, so he has to be, right? No, I’m not here to tell the world that Donald Revel is a bad poet, i’m sure he’s a great poet. I just am frustrated with how painfully enigmatic his “My Mojave” is. Or maybe I’m just terrible at intepreting things. But really…

“Poem says
A white umbrella
Is a slim foundation for festivals”

Now what the hell does that mean??

Anyway, I don’t hate everything. Really. I absolutely loved a poem sequence we read earlier this semester in class, Cornelius Eady’s “Brutal Imaginations” . Good stuff. I’m sick of poetry. All I do these days is write it, read it, interpret it, and write about it. What I really need now is a month away from computers, coffee shops, and the written word. I want to be a science or a math major.
absolute truths…mmmmmm

One more thing. It’s about the movie “The Passion of Jesus Christ”. I haven’t seen it yet, but if I hear one more person say, “it’s sooo weird…a movie about Christ that is ‘R’ rated.”. Yeah… you know… back then they practiced non-violent crucifixtion. Kill me now.

“Poem says
He will be the death of me.”

farewell and goodday,

Original article posted by Olorle:

The wind whispers promises too me. Promises of release from cold. Release from hurt. Release from her. Only, it’s promising me in a voice I’m trying to forget.

The path I’m following stopped being a path hours ago. Now, all that remains is white. White coating the ground. White swirling into my eyes. White lulling me towards sleep. The only thing that isn’t white is what I see when I give into the whispers and start closing my eyes. Then I see her. I see that look in her eyes when I yelled. The rage and disbelief warring behind green depths.

If nothing else, it keeps me going. Maybe not to try and make things right again. I think I gave that up when I left. I’m just afraid of falling into her eyes and being trapped forever. That notion frightens me more than any eternal punishment any god could conjure up.

Or maybe it doesn’t.

The chance to fuck things up again somewhere else looms in the distance, through the sheets of white. The first hadn’t hurt so much. Sometimes change is necessary. Too much change turns into chaos, which really isn’t any better than stagnation. Still, people say ‘in life there is hope.’ Even so, the cynical part of me likes to point out that sometimes the odds are so far from one you’re best off playing a new game.

That is my plan. Move on. Find another table to play at. Another life to live. A place where I can start fresh. Eventually, find someone else to touch. To love. But the warmth flowing into my toes now seems so nice. So different from the cold. So safe. Maybe just a short rest against a tree. Something to shield off at least a little of the white.

And now I see her again. Only, the anger is gone. She’s smiling again. I have to smile back. Her arms seem so inviting. So warm. I have to fall into them. The world wavers there, dancing between her warmth and the warmth of the snow, until the two become one. We hold one another tightly, lost in the white. Her eyes glitter, the only shot of color in my world and my fear fades and I fall into them, escaping the white, accepting her punishment.

The wind finally dies down and the snow fall straight, leaving an odd pile amidst the trees. An inverted snow angel, ten paces from the road.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Chellee
Re: Snow Angel
I enjoy this piece and the feel of it. I really like it alot.

Original article posted by thewendy:

i will crave
only you
untill land’s
ending moments
where we
shouldn’t be
forgotten brings
us to our knees.

there is something in this poem
that is good
could be great
i’ll find it sometime
expand on it and stick it on this website

for those who care:
if the weather is good
and the big storm doesn’t hit
i will be in Cedar Thursday to Saturday-maybe Sunday morning-

find me.
i could use some hugs
i have not been
feeling all that great lately

Orginal comments:

Nickname: gandhi2
no fair!!!
so i have to come to a website to get a chance to read your poetry?! just kidding. we all love you, even if you did spell storm wrong.

Original article posted by ravenpaine:

I’ve been tired lately. I have also been beaten down by everything and nothing in equal measure. Today I kept my friends close and used the love of special people to carry me through the day. For once I did not resort to any violent or silly actions in an attempt to feel better.

Okay, that’s not completely true, I smashed a controller and sold most of my video game collection in a sudden fit.

But for the most part there were kind acts given and receieved and as I sit here at the end of the day I feel warm and comfortable, secure in the knowledge that people care about me.

I somehow manged to shit myself ever so slightly as well. No real understanding of how that happend. Maybe it has something to do with my stress level but, eh?

I’m going to get up tomorrow and approach the day with a mixture of confidence and sheer bloody rage. I will accomplish tasks and I will do as I need.

Not because I say so or because I am being coerced. None of that. I say this simply because I intend to take tomorrow in whatever form it comes and do what I may.

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.
And, if you care, take a moment to know that someone cares.

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