Original article posted by Chellee:

This is something I’m working on. I don’t know if I like it or not. You decide…

“There is something that is bothering you lately. It’s been effecting your singing; I sense it’s loneliness, but I’m not sure…”

I looked up at my voice teacher, trying not to think to deeply about the words he was saying. “Well, I am lonely.” He had hit the nail on the head, and it hurt.

“You need to do something about it. It’s not good for you, and it’s dragging you down. I don’t think I can help you with it too much,” he says, with a semi-sympathetic, semi-impatient look on his face. “We can’t make any progress while you’re feeling this way.”

I look at the didjeridoo resting in the corner, I blink back the tears. “Okay.”

As I walk out of his office, I try not to think about anything until I can get to my car.

What am I supposed to do? I have plenty of friends who love me. I know my family loves me and would do anything for me. This is a different kind of loneliness. This kind of loneliness seeps into the marrow of your bones. It creeps into every pore. It aches in every nerve. It pounds in every ventricle.

There is a certain love I’m lacking. I think part of loneliness is not feeling love in some manner. But a larger part still is being unable to give your love to someone else. Having no one to care about, no one to buy things for, no one to shower with devotion. Nobody to love.

I pull my car out of the parking lot and start towards home. Driving like a bat out of hell has always brought an aspect of happiness into my life, but today it causes a problem I am not expecting. I catch up with the car in front me and am in the process of tailgating to burn off some frustration when I happen to focus on it’s license plate: “RUHAPPY”?, it asks innocently…

As we approach a fourway stop sign, I slam on my brakes to avoid rear-ending the lousy car and it’s nosy license plate.
The car whizzes away happily after a brief stop, but my car remains. I can’t see where I am going. My eyes are filled with tears.

Am I happy? I’m not. True, there are certain aspects of my life with which I am pleased, but over all, I am not impressed. More than anything, I feel pain. The pain of loneliness, pain of disappointment, pain of those who break my trust and break my heart. I feel self inflicted pain. I want it all to go away, but I’m not sure how to make it happen.

I hear a loud, persistent honking behind me and realize it’s a horn. An unsuspecting driver has been sitting behind me for quite some time and finally has worked up enough nerve to let me know he’s there. I wave to him, blink the tear out of my eyes, and turn towards home, still thinking about how to fix my problems.

Once home, I am distracted by five crazy roommates and a world of homework and practicing awaiting me. I spend the rest of the night working to finish everything, and then head to bed.

When I’m nice and cozy, the thoughts of what I must do swirl around in my head. Then I say a prayer that I may be able to get done the things I need to.

As I try to relax, my mind and body are taken over by the bitter loneliness that encompasses my soul. I drift off to sleep with tears drying in my hair…

Orginal comments:


Nickname: Cornelius
Re: RUHAPPY being lonely?
Am I happy being lonely? Not particularly. What gives me comfort in my loneliness is the thought that it is better to be alone (or preferably having good friends) than to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. Your future relationship(s) will have more meaning after being lonely than they would if this were not the case. Also, it helps to pray. Good, earnest, heartfelt prayer is the most powerful painkiller ever. It’s like Demerol for the soul.


Nickname: ravenpaine
Re: RUHAPPY being lonely?
I’m going to have to side with Cornelius on this one you can’t know the sweet if you don’t have the sour and it is always a fine thing to know the equisite pain of the person who goes home alone.

Ravenpaine


Nickname:
Re: RUHAPPY being lonely?
I completely agree, Cornelius. That’s a great perspective. Thank you.

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