Original article posted by arylaina:

If I hear one more comment linking hair-color and intelligence, I’m going to blow my sun-ripened, wheat-colored top. There is no biological connection between the two! None! None, I tell you, none! *grabs reader by the lapels and shakes him/her vigorously*

What could have caused this righteous indignation, you ask? Perhaps it was sparked by a comment last weekend. Whilst cruising around Ogden with two of my good friends, both of whom are natural brunettes-turned-redheads, I happened to take a wrong turn, or forgot to signal, or something trivial and insignificantly spacey.

The shorter and more impudent of the two dye-jobs, who has been one of my closest friends for seventeen years, remarked that I was acting like a true blonde. Um, excuse me? Are you perhaps referring to the fact that I don’t dye my hair, or the fact that I was an airhead for two seconds?

(By the way, this ‘friend’ has never learned to drive, has no desire to start, and is therefore unqualified to offer commentary on the proper handling of a motor vehicle.)

This is one of her favorite taunts to use on me. If I had a quarter for every time I’d been unjustly called a dumb blonde, I could buy a lot of hair dye. And then squirt people with it.

Personally, I think it’s raging jealousy. There’s nothing wrong with blonde hair, and I happen to have a nice waterfall of the stuff. I also happen to have a 4.0 GPA. Dumb blonde? Think again. Your inferiority complex is showing. And so are your roots.

Has anyone else noticed the preponderance of happy, bubbly, bottle-blonde, cheerleader types? I get angry over the dumb blonde stereotype, because it doesn’t apply to me, but at the same time I can certainly see why it persists in our culture. How did this start? Why are blonde females bred to be vacuous, cheerful, and bone-stupid?

There’s something buried deep in our Jungian collective unconscious that makes us see blonde woman as ditzy, brunette women as sensible, redheads as fiery, and women with black hair as mysterious and erotic. Where is the program code? Can I learn to rewrite it? Or am I forever doomed to a first impression as one of those Aryan Golden Children of the Gods, eternally youthful and cheerful and self-centered?

Can this trend of blonde-discrimination be traced to Hitler and the Aryans and Nazism? Are people reacting to the idea of a “perfect race” being blonde-haired and blue-eyed and getting revenge by continually portraying them with the intelligence of your average makeup brush?

It makes me want to form an elite crime-fighting force comprised entirely of intelligent, small-breasted blonde women in baggy jeans and sweatshirts. Our first mission: seek and destroy hair-bleach manufacturing plants. Fake blondes are doing more damage to our reputations than real blondes.

By the way, how many of you have actually met or heard of a genuine “Californian blonde” who was actually from California? You know the type, though. Shining blonde hair, wide eyes with too much mascara, sparkly pink lip-gloss, tank top, tall, tanned, an inordinate fondness for the word “like.” We’ve all heard of them, and seen them in movies and read about them in books. But I’m telling you, they’re as rare as unicorns nowadays. I lived in Southern California for five months and never saw one. In fact, I was often the only blonde in sight.

So I guess the point of all this is that I’m proud of being blonde, even if it means being the butt of a bunch of really stupid jokes and outright discrimination and prejudice. I’m not a dumb blonde; I’m an intelligent and interesting person with an occasionally wicked tongue and lots of angst. I’m just as offbeat as those with red or brown or black or purple or teal hair or no hair at all. I will continue to be the only bright spot in a room full of raven-wings and flame—a ray of dark sunshine in the land of eternal twilight.

If I ever dye my whole head, please drag me back to the beauty salon and get me the works. If I’m going to betray myself, I might as well do it with a pedicure and facial.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: Confessions of an Aryan
Damn straight! Some of the smartest of the ladies that I know are blondes.

Re: Confessions of an Aryan
Did you hear the one about the…

Nickname: Junpei
Re: Confessions of an Aryan
Blondes are not genetically dumb, no. But we do tend to be spacey, always thinking about something somewhere, likely nothing to do with here and now. But then, so are a lot of people. Rowsdower drives on autopilot sometimes and he’s.. uh, brown. Right. Brown. Maybe it’s just easy to fall into subcategories sometimes.

I have a few theories about stereotypes and color. It’s been proven (or at least tested) that different colors can invoke different emotions or feelings in human beings. Not through culture, but through some inherient programming we are born with. Red makes us angry, green is relaxing, black is forboding, etc. I often wonder if that has anything to do with it.

Nickname: Stephanie
Re: Confessions of an Aryan
lol, well said!
I’m brunette myself, but agree that hair colour stereotypes are among the stupidest in existance. Plus I’m not all that sensible…
And I’m from So Cal and we had our fair share of so-called California Girls… *shudder*
But now that you mention it, I do say ‘like’ often….and I do only wear mascara and lipgloss…