Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 40 – March 18

I finally had my last day in court. I now have to pay a $600 hospital bill and $1110 in fines for standing in my home and asking simple questions of clarification about why I was being arrested.

The chest scar has begun aching recently, I assume out of guilt for its own existance, but maybe its one of those wounds that angels supposedly get, wounds that ache for vengeance.

I could say that I’m having a shitty day and I want to crawl home and hate the world at large because of what it did to me. But I don’t; at all.

I’m having a lovely day. I’m still working on a script that I will finish by the end of the day. It’s some good and fun kind of work and I hope you will all get to hear it on the radio in full dramatic form soon.

I’m sitting in the computer lab with Xiao and thinking about the things I have to accomplish before next Wednesday. I have five papers, two tests, an editing assignment and a hell of a lot of French to memorize. But it will all be worth it when I sit down Wednesday night, the 24 of March and play some FF XI.

I still need a job to earn money to pay this damn fine and to buy food, but I’m actually trying so it bothers me a lot less than it would if I weren’t trying.

Not that all the effort is actually equalling success but you know how these things can go.

And can I take a moment and say Whew! the site is hopping. People are posting larger things and more often. So often you need to get in here and read everyday or you might miss something.

And my damn internet is still down because the only thing more corrupt than the executive branch of the government are the utility companies. They think they can do whatever they want and we’ll simply put up with it. Well…. That’s true but only because without my water, electricity, phone, and gas it would be really difficult to stay alive long enough to assault them with a lawsuit or letters of complaint.

I’d blush out loud if it were possible, but instead I sit with that half-crazed half smile that I have and wait for the next set of things to occur.

I’m going to have to tell you all about coping. Check for it under a future Ruthless Banter.

In the mean time I have to decide how to spend the rest of my day. Anger is present but at decently subjective background levels. Joy is present, at being done with the process and such, and also because I get to spend time with Xiao which will brighten any day.

On that topic, no. Unlike other times when I have gone overly sentimental and begin to allow another person to control the value of my life; both good and ill. I have decided that this person only gets to add to situations and neither subtract or control. It’s the sort of decision I wish I could have made earlier in life.

Not that I really want to change anything. But I will hold on to my regrets as long as they are applicable. Eventually, I can see the tough decisions for what they were and am happy I had to make them.

Other times not, but eh?

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Orginal comments:


Nickname: gandhi2
the karmia-antikarma reactor is losin’ power! i don’ know if i can hold ‘er, captin!
there are moments that i think you deserve some of your bad karma. i don’t think you deserve it to the tune of $2000 because some brain-dead crack addict cop decided that it was “the perfect time to deploy ‘the unit’.” don’t mean to give the “buck up, l’il camper” speech, but…

hang in there. you’ve got friends who are willing to help fight the fuckulence. let us know how much assistance your pride is willing to let you take. if nothing else, i hope that you still consider me your “hell, yeah!” guy.

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