Original article posted by Soft_Pen:

A one-time apostle in my church said: “If I had to choose between living in St. George, and living in Hell, I’d sell the house in St. George”.

I recently read an article in the NG (that’s the National Geographic to you, Mr./Mrs. uninitiated) relating the story of one of the biggest mysteries of American archaeology. It was the discovery of ancient indian ruins near Phoenix, Arizona. What amazed the archaeologists was the ominous paucity of air-conditioning units. To quote Dr. Theobold Skullduggery (what a pun!): “We have criss-crossed this valley a thousand times, and the only device we found capable of producing a cool, soothing breeze was a tanned cat hide (complete with cuddly little face still attached) stretched across a matrix of sticks in the shape of an oriental fan. It’s no wonder these people are extinct- they melted to death, along with the dinosaurs and Dick Clark. Well, we can’t prove that about Dick Clark, but we’re working on it”.

I don’t know about you folks, but that ain’t gonna happen to me! Before I go the way of the summer snowman, a wonderful thing will happen. Now, if I tell you, don’t go blabbing it to the whole wide world, cause there isn’t going to be room for everybody, and the last thing we need is a global panic. As early as the summer of 2011, and certainly no later than 2012, I will be launched into space, to meet up with the intrepid crew of the Satellite of Love. While the rest of the world burns up that summer, I will be cruising the galactic highways, cool and comfortable, with Joel, Tom Servo and Crow. My only worries will be micro meteorites, alien aggressors, and the repeated attempts on my life by that diabolic duo, Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV’s Frank.

Like I said, can we keep this between us? I might be willing to let you come along, provided you can prove you have something useful to offer in humanity’s ultimate expedition. Like the ability to darn socks, for example.


Orginal comments:

Nickname: Edward_Nigma
Re: “In the Not Too Distant Future…”
Just remeber you can party with Torgo, but he doesnt take American Express.