Original article posted by Dyistar:

Yes, the opening are lyrics from Stabbing Westward, but it fits. I can’t save you. Or you. Or you. Why should I? What’s in it for me? But that’s what people do right? They help each other out when one is in trouble. That’s what friends are for. To help you through the hard times in your life. To be that shoulder to lean on. Right? Right. Because you need that person to be a shoulder to lean on when you need one, right? And you have every right to ask that person to be one, because of all the stuff you put up with while they need you. And yet when can you lean on them? “Oh, any time is great. I’ll be here when you need me.”

Except for right now, because I’ve got something I need to do, or I’m also in a funk and can’t deal with anyone’s problems but my own. And since you’re here anyway, listen, I’ve got so much to tell you…

And I’m not being fair. I know I’m not. But damn it, I don’t care.

When did I become a pillar? When did I make that change from leaning on other’s strengths to a strength of my own? And why aren’t I happy about it? Because now it’s my turn to help those that need to become pillars. I just don’t understand why they can’t help themselves. I did. And if some idiot like me can do it, so can they. It’s hard work that takes time. Yes, I said time. I do not have a magic wand to make the problem go away. You don’t want that anyway, trust me. You want the knowledge to help you solve it for next time. And yes, there will be next times, there always are. It’s a fight that never ends unless you give up. And even then courage or just the need for change surfaces and the fight starts all over again. The only difference is that now you’re in a deeper hole than you were before.

“But wait. You said you had help. So help me.” Help? If you can call that help, sure, I had help. My only help was something in my head. You know the voice, the one that tells you you’ll never amount to anything so why are you even trying? You’re nothing but a burden so why not end it all now? Yeah, that voice.

Oh, don’t bother trying to ignore it, it will always find you, usually late at night when your defences are down. And don’t accept everything it says either, that gets you nowhere except begging others to help you. No, the trick is to listen to the voice, make what it is telling you something akin to a religion. And then defy it. Completely and utterly. Attend the weekly sermons, babysit the preacher’s kids, weed his garden if you have to. But know what you are doing. You are serving the voice of self-loathing. Why? That’s not what you want to be doing. So why are you? Start leaving the weeds, and pull out the flowers. Start throwing spit wads during the sermons.

Kill the children.

What? They spawned from the voice, they are little mini-versions of him. Just do it.

Save yourself, damn it, because I can’t do it for you. I have enough on my plate as it is, I don’t need your shit either. But I’ll take it anyway, and you know that.

Disclaimer: This is just some thoughts and anger that have been bouncing around inside and I needed to write it down. This isn’t aimed at anyone in particular. And sorry if its unclear. Ta.

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