Original article posted by Minty:

-Broken Wheel of the Year-
The snow line is receding
With crushed brush strokes
As trees
The cap of winters Tir Na Nog
Is melting away
And now the mountain is scowling
With the first careless surging of spring

Heat which is not so much present
In the unmoving
And sweat that waits,
Behind my skin like the
Moon behind this splash of clouds

Ruined for lack of a better word.

-Sick Sun-
Yellow alarm clock
Which is not a noise but
Warmth which steals into my body
Defiles the cool slick of my sheets
My lazy tousled hair which is not
So much fine but spidery at this hour

In this prone, bashful way
No one wants to be seen
At this time, when the day has not
Made any of us civil
So I endure, the eye of the world
The bright hot light of you all-
And loath it.

-Abortion in a Way-
If:
Anne did not own an oven,
And the prescriptions she took
Were legal and fine
Would I have all these…

These children of one or two lines
With clever eyes and hands which
Sweep over you all, my sleepers
And leave you filled, full of
Holes though at least its
Something other than dirt.

If:
I could kick a soccer ball
Extraordinarily high
And prize to some mascot
Some people who think
All the beauty in life is in the moving
And not the moved.

Is it:
My sleepers a crime to kill accidentally
What is living and not seeing…
Or hells bells!
Neglect what should be
For ease and imagery

Orginal comments:


Nickname: ravenpaine
Re: All from one day of mental silence
i’m slightly delirious from low sleep, so I will attempt a better set of the same later…

I have to tell you, I like all three of these pieces. Not only do I like them but I felt compelled to discuss some of what makes them work so well.

But first I want to deterimine which is the best… I conclude Sick Sun is better for a consice thought. It is layed out in a way that is reminiscent of its subject while living firmly within the mental miasma and particular nostalgia of anyone who has ever gotten up in the morning.

Abotion in a Way: What I’m thinking here is that the “is it’ of the final stanza is illogical. You have two “if” statements with no “then” statement and… and… I have no actual suggestion here.

Still, a fine set of pieces. Bravo!


Nickname: Minty
Re: All from one day of mental silence
Damn,sorry that was a typo, its supposed to be “it is”.
Ah well thanks for the feedback,glad to know someone likes it enough to pick at it a bit.

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