Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 44 – April 14

I’ve been using a fair number of quotes from various places recently, the reasoning behind this is since no one listens to the things that I say, perhaps they will listen to someone else.

But as the title of this piece would lead you to believe I have a correction to everyones viewpoint that must be made.

I do not always have a bad day, nor do I always have terrible things to say about people and things. In fact, if you have known me for very long then you would know that I have only posted two things on this site that I shouldn’t have. Everything else has been tame. Really tame.

I recall a time, when a less in control Rodney, mostly fronted by berserker anger and the presence of the third personality, the Nameless One, did things to people that I don’t like reliving from day to day.

I have lived in an asylum for five weeks. I have been in 173 fights in my life time. I have nearly killed three people. I have severly wounded six muggers. I have stabbed my best friend in the world in the shoulder with a pencil, and ten years later that chunk of graphite is still in his shoulder.

And I like my best friend.

There are some of you out there who would not be so lucky.

So let me take a moment to set the record straight around here. I am not, by definition, an evil mastermind hell bent on destroying you or your way of life. I am simply a guy trying to accomplish a set of tasks. And then you had to go and fuck with me. This would normally end poorly. For you.

But most of these terrible actions out of my darkest personality were 7 years ago or later. I feel, now that I am a reasonable and sensitive person.

So when I say the occasional thing that sounds like a viscious attack against you or your beliefs maybe that is my admittedly negative, solipsistic outlook on life playing through. But I have already warned you about that, and I feel that any time I have warned you of a thing I am no longer responsible when it goes poorly for you. I have done my part you see. I have prepared you for what it is like when you deal with me. I have given you a crash course in dealing with most aspects of me that you will run into.

The fact that you disregard such warnings is a personal affront to me. You can not claim to know more about me than I do, that’s just asinine. You cannot take a, “I feel for him and will help him,” attitude either because if nothing else you don’t want to help me. I will help me, thanks for the concern.

Let me get back to the point, I’m not here to apologize for things that are hardly my fault, I’m here to set the record straight on the growing misconception of myself.

I do not want to see you all destroyed. I do not launch out in personal attacks against you, the occasional harsh questioning of a value or a belief will happen, but on those occasions a large group of people with the clause, ‘present company excluded’ can be applied. If you take personal offense at anything I say, then that is In fact your personal, individual problem. My attacks and questions and rants, much like your attacks and questions and rants are meant to be taken as general complaints and nothing more.

Hell, I don’t know the names of enough of you to make personal attacks, but you have taken my name and made comments directly at me, now haven’t you?

Kettle to pot, “How black art thou?”

Which brings me to the point that I perhaps have been sidetracked from. If I was actually out to get any of you, you would be in a world of trouble. I have done things that I am not proud of that have landed me in a set of life situations that I actively regret and have spent years trying to fix, but unlike Alexander Dumas in the “Count of Monte Cristo” I do not agree with the line “Do not commit the crime that you even now serve the sentence for.” I am more of the school of thought that if I’m going to be accused of something then I might as well do it twice, just to make sure my punishment was worth it.

I do not despise or dislike any of you, not on a personal or individual level. Many of you are or could be my good friends. But I will say things that you won’t like, just as you have said things that I don’t like.

Here IS a personal attack: (Aside from now) I will not take the time to point out exactly, with your name attached to the sentence, what it is I really hate about you. (Unless you are one of my good friends, like Rowsdower or sort of like Joe.) There would simply be no point in it. No open dialogue of any sort can exist in an environment where people feel they cannot say what they want to say without fear of reprisal or punishment.

So, I implore all of you writers out there, don’t assume that I am doing anything to you. I have more than enough trouble attacking generalities to get around to disliking you personally.

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

And, tonight at least, Je fais de poison.

See also, Je suis si fache!

Orginal comments:


Nickname: Junpei
Re: Let’s get something straight around here…
It was a painful winter when I realized I was just a replacement for Rowsdower for one summer until he returned for college.

It was a painful saturday evening when I realized you did not care and wanted nothing of the emotional attachment to me that I wanted with you, reguardless of our similarities.

When I realized nothing I try to strive for is realized, recognized or admired by those I hold dear, it stung. Hard.

When I realized I was only a Temporary Rodney, and that potato wedges and interesting conversation on a too-early morning are Not For Me, it no longer hurt. By now, I am just numb.


Nickname: Angel_Fire
Re: Let’s get something straight around here…
Rodney, perhaps you should spend your time threatening people who have actually done something to you. I’m pretty sure the rest of us have no desire to have your anger taken out on us when all we were doing was having some nice open dialogue. Everyone I know who posted meant no harm, but only wanted to make their views known and read those of others, whether we agree or not.

Believe it or not, what happens on this website is not worth murder or any kind of physical harm, intended or otherwise. This website is not the world, although I suppose it could be the world to some.

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