Original article posted by Olorle:

Olivier
Moonlight filters through branches
staining world pale gray. Sidewalks
constrict around grass-patch beneath
cradling limb. Black and white
world dyed back towards spectrum
of middle ground, evil and good
swirled.

Thoughts seem clearest at night,
nearer truth. Nearer heaven. Redemption’s
secret hidden somewhere amidst
darkest sin. Time falters, moon-shadows
putting on puppet plays of what came before.

One third rose and fought. Heavenly soldiers
fighting civil war.

What for?
What matter?

Not all earth-bound angels are demons
by choice. Change lurks somewhere
inside human spirit, human choice.

Redemption. True life.

Orginal comments:


Nickname: thewendy
Re: Olivier
what is the limb cradling?

i like the line breaks
i like the constricting sidewalk

i am having trouble with putting the first stanza’s image together. i think it is the limb, but i am not sure yet.

i love “Thoughts seem clearest at night,/ nearer truth. Nearer heaven.”

i love the last full stanza and last line.

i’ll think on the 1st stanza.


Nickname: Olorle
Re: Olivier
How about this?

Moonlight filters through branches
staining world pale gray. Sidewalks
constrict around grass-patch, pressing
towards fading park bench. Black
and white world dyed back towards
spectrum of middle ground, evil
and good swirled.


Nickname: thewendy
Re: Olivier
yes.
this is much better.
it continues the grass thing image. grass connects to bench.
hard to see grass connecting to branch in tree.

smiles,
wendy

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