Original article posted by ravenpaine:
Entry 45 – April 19
What a week this promises to be and what a week last week was.
And so it goes. And so it goes.
Lets break it down for a moment, drop the facade and call the assassins back from the shadows. Marty turn on that light, lets prepare some chairs.
Welcome to Rodney unplugged, or rather un-hate. It is time to feel the love. Leave the anger at the door and step on down to center stage for one of those atrociously inane morning show things.
I am not Regis and you will not find yourself too dissapointed with the performance. Which, by the way, is overdue to start. Lets get this thing going.
I have been experiencing an odd set of changes recently. Which is a trite thing to say because all change is more or less by definition odd. These changes though, they border outside of the usual pace of change for myself. This change is not cataclysmic or violent or rash or coming from the fourth circle of hell to drag me down into the muck.
This change has been gradual over the course of five years, but more importanatly it has occured since last October. It was in early October that I started to realize some important things about what I’m doing around here and why. My need to learn reawakend as did my fascination with reading and my swaggering dashing self. These are things that I have missed for the past several years, but they are not the change I am speaking of.
The change I am here to deal with has something to do with the reasons to be and do all these things. You see, I have discovered in a little compartment of my mind (which is sometimes fractured and Bresben like, you know, after the bombing?) a little ball of hope. This is not the sort of hope left at the bottom of Pandoras box. This is the sort of one finds in them selves that reminds them that your potential and where you are normally are not the same things.
Armed with this knowledge I have come to several conclusions. Some of them will take more time to formulate complete sentences about and perhaps you shall see them here eventually.
Most likely, you will see them here eventually.
The one I would like to take a minute to detail right now is my drive to create story. I love to hear stories (provided, of course, that I have not already heard the story) and write stories and live stories. All of which requires a certain attention span and the freedom to get out there and do so. I have shortchanged myself in many of these requirements the last while. But now I have found them and am ready to do something with them.
There is a story lurking in each of us. The story of who we are. Sometimes we are the only people who can tell that story, but we are not the people who give that story value. As much as it may pain us our story is only important when shared with others. They may not get it, they may not like it, they may not accept it; none of which is important, what is important is that you have shared it.
So maybe I’ll get out there and share a little more. Hide a little less. And above all else strive to be the person that I think it is important to be.
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.
PS I always take a moment to mention Xiao on this thing. And here the mention is. Xiao isn’t the reason that I’m doing all these things or coming to these revelations, she is just the person who gives me the most value when I share them.