Original article posted by -soma-:

Well, I don’t have a problem with hating (I’m really quite good at it). What I mean is, I have a problem and it is that I hate things.

Like weddings.

There’s nothing like a tacky, flashy, superficial cliche to make you want to see two gay guys get married. Finally… something original. Actually, I prefer the private ceremony where I’m alone with my fiance, the judge, and a few witnesses. Oh, and I’m over thirty. No more of this getting married at nineteen.

Just like so many other girls I grew up envisioning my future wedding. And just like all LDS girls I was assigned the sacred calling of marriage and motherhood. I recall Sunday mornings semi-circled around the lace-draped table, musing over wedding dresses and brassy temple doors. Funny, I don’t recall much scripture study. But of course not. Young girls aren’t interested in gospel doctrine nearly as much as they are in where they’re going to get married, how many layers their cake will have, and “oooh…should my bridesmaids wear lavender or periwinkle?” And I can’t say that I blame them. In an attempt to assuage the hard feelings some women have about not holding the priesthood, women are taught that motherhood is the most sacred calling. So why wasn’t Christ a woman? But I digress. Now I have two silly sisters. One is 26, married with two children and thinks it is just swell how my nineteen-year-old sister might marry her boyfriend of two months by next spring. Swell.

So, my hatred for weddings is starting to contaminate my feelings on marriage. I actually think marriage is great and I don’t want to have kids until I am married. In twenty years. I guess I just wish that everyone wasn’t in such a hurry. I think I know why many LDS people are so hasty, and it has nothing to do with how the church encourages early marriage. My question is, which is worse… getting married early so you can have sex, or having sex before you get married? Yes, you must choose between two evils, that is, unless you are willing to remain unmarried and chaste until you’ve known the guy for at least a few years and have been living outside your parent’s house for at least a few years. “Oh, but I love him so much and I feel that it is God’s will that I get married right out of high school because God has nothing better to do than command me to get married right out of high school.”

Someday I hope to be a mother and when I am I will stay home and take care of my children. However, I am in no hurry to jump into a decade-long commitment. While we’re on that note, I’m not ready to jump into any eternity-long commitments either. But maybe that is just me.

Orginal comments:


Nickname: Dyistar
Re: Soma’s Reflections on Weddings
I agree fully. I always hated the marriage lessons because of the fact that a good 90% consisted of gown, cake, reception, and repeating over and over the qualities you wanted in a mate. After the first few of these lessons I learned to always have a blank sheet of paper and a pencil tucked into my scriptures for doodling purposes. And no, I will not let you borrow my pen and paper so you can show everyone exactly what your dress will look like. Twits.

Getting married right out of high school has got to be one of the stupidest things ever. You’ve barely begun to realize who you are and what you can become. I see no reason to tie yourself down with another person who is going through the same thing. A person needs time alone to figure out just what they are doing with their life and which direction they are going. As the saying goes “Two half people do not make a whole. They just make two unbalanced people stuck in really close quarters.”


Nickname: squishous
Re: Soma’s Reflections on Weddings
Amen! I think the worst thing to come out of these teenage marriage fantasies is how trivial marriage has become. It might be obsessed with for years, but when the actual time comes – that’s it! There is no thinking beyond the wedding day, no understanding that eternity is a really long time.

In my hometown I had friends that would drive down to Vegas, get married, have sex, and then get their marriage annuled to aleviate any feelings of guilt they might experience! They just didn’t get it. How easy it has become to just quit our marriages. To threaten divorce because of menial arguments over the frozen peas in the freezer. If you believe in God, then you just shouldn’t mess around with His sacred ordinences. I love being married, and I am – and always will be – forever grateful that I waited past the point of surety.


Nickname: SmokyWolf
Re: Soma’s Reflections on Weddings
Wow, and to think I used to be jealous because the young women always seemed to come out of class with some sort of food. I’m glad I just got the “don’t get girls pregnant” speech.
You’re right about this whole get married quick thing. Too many straight-laced Mormons believe in hormonal revelation. They won’t admit it, but sex is always an issue in an LDS marriage. Unfortunately many equate the stirrings of their passions with spiritual guidance.
The Mormon culture needs to learn how to talk about sex. Until that happens, this situation is going to perpetuate itself. I looked at an English paper the other day where the writer was so afraid to talk about sex that she spent three pages talking around it. When is “Happy Valley” going to grow up?


Nickname: AlanaGrey
Re: Soma’s Reflections on Weddings
So did everyone who commented on this (a year ago) grow up in Utah or something? Because I’m LDS, and talking about marriage wasn’t like that for me. I never thought about my wedding in advance, nor did many of my friends. We were content to prepare ourselves spiritually, emotionally, educationally, and mentally for life. And encouraged to do nothing more. Because doing these things allows you to prepare for marriage, which is the single most important thing one can do. There’s nothing wrong with marriage, and nothing wrong with aspiring to do it at the right place and in the right time. And what is right is different for each person.

I married at 23 (I’m 26 going on 27 now), after a whirlwind courtship. I wasn’t thinking of marriage, but when my husband showed up on the scene, I recognized him for who he is.

Let’s not label everything that goes on in “the bubble” as LDS culture. It’s insulting to the rest of us Mormons who love the gospel but can’t stand the trappings that Utahns seem to heap upon it.


Nickname: ravenpaine
Re: Soma’s Reflections on Weddings
I’m sorry, maybe it’s just the phrasing, but do you actually mean to say that getting married is the single most important thing a person can do? Because if that is your statement I have some exceptionally serious misgivings about your viewpoint on life.

If you meant something else, then please, help me out here.

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