Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 50 – May 2

I’m not sure if I wait until the last week of school do to most of my work because it makes me look smarter and more crafty then my erstwhile peers who would be buried and destroyed by writing 19 papes in as little as 5 days or if I do it simply because I’m bad at managing time.

I once wroter 13 papers in the space of 6 hours. So I think I probably do it out of a need for cliffhanger type adventure.

I’m a thrill-a-holic and I’m not going to hide if any more.

Life, for me, is a parade of moments in which I use whatever resources I have to create situations in which i must play the hero to save someone. Often time it would be frightfully inconsiderate to slap around someone who did not deserve it, so on many occasions I set myself up as both the victim and the villain and the hero. This lets me play whatever psycho drama I might want to without bothering anyone else.

Of course, it really doesn’t work that well. The forces of evil are stronger than most people give them credit for and over time the victim gets content with being the victim and we all know that a hero will find that he must call it quits when all of his efforts are undone by the very people he meant to save.

Which leaves my cadre of associates and friends scrambling to clean up my messes. I always feel a deep pit of guilt that I make the people around me take care of me in all of these ways. If I was a proper Knight of the Way I would fix my own damn problems and get on with things.

But I am not often as strong as I want to be, none of us truly are.

Still, the is the last week of the semester and i have managed to defeat all five of my classes (probably with C’s, eh….) without major trauma or any times when I suddenly didn’t show up to class for three weeks.

Actually that three weeks thing did happen in my poetry class, but I blame the scheduling of a ten minute break between Xiao’s class immediately before in the same room. Ten minutes is plenty of time to start a good conversation and no amount of time to finish one. So that classs was sacrificed from time to time so that I could spend time with a gorgeously intelligent girl who happens to be everyones best friend.

She taught me a couple of things this semester that I would not be doing well without. She taught me that I can communicate with any group of people and not feel left out. She taught me that my one time plan to travel to the Dark Side and then return with knowledge of all aspects of the force was succesful, if not, perhaps, a poor plan in the first place. She taught me that my belief in others strengthens my belief in myself, and she taught me the joys of stalking once again.

That last sentence sounds wrong, so I will explain. What the situation is here is that Xiao lives with someone else, a someone else who does not appreciate being bothered constantly when she is trying to accomplish things. And Xiao is not exactly a person who sits in her home quietly. A prudent person, therefore, starts figuring ways out to wander around the house staring and looking for signs that Xiao is home. We have developed a messages system that she does not use very often. And thus, do all the skills of a stalker become useful tools in not bothering housemates when seeking conversation.

And somehow I have to pull off that radio show thing today. A live perfomance of a mostly unrehearsed script with a group that doesn’t want to be there and a guy who is too loud and overbearing for anyones good; ever.

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Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.