Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 54 – May 14

I’m jacked into the computer listening to Tears For Fears greatest hits. So I should be prepped to write something about nostalgia and commercialism in days gone past. The specific days gone past is the turbulent decade known as the nineties so perhaps I should be listening to Nirvana instead.

But I don’t like Nirvana, outside of giving a career to Dave Kroll I think Nirvana was the second most insignificant band of the past ten years. (The first is Soundgarden, bleh, and you will note that since boy bands are vocal perfomers and not in fact muscians they do not fall under the catergory “band.”)

Saturday morning television though. That stuff has gone through a larger and more horrible amount of change then any other thing. Back in the day you could get up on a Saturday morning at 6 am and watch entertaining nonsense on four different channels until 11 am. 5 hours of hedonistic adolesent bliss. 5 channels after KJazz existed as a station. And 6 if you had the WB.

Then those bastards at NBC had to go and try to kill us all. Some of you who have known me long enough might remember my angry diatribe one Saturday afternoon in 1993 when I spoke viscously of a terrible commercial that showed a boy eating cereal, wrapped in a blanket watching cartoons. The voice over said something to the effect of “Do you remember when Saturday mornings were like this?”

Being a 13 year-old boy sitting in a blanket eating cereal and watching cartoons I nodded slowly, wary of what the voice over was getting at.

“Well, that’s all about to change… Announcing NBC’s new morning newscast line up! Four hours of news every Saturday morning.” And on the commercial suddenly a 6 year-old girl and mom and dad are all sitting and eating cereal in front of the television and everyone is really happy.

And I jumped up and called Greg and said, “What the crap? I can’t believe this. This will spell bad things for the future. There is no way that little boy is sitting and watching news and being happy.”

Just the previous year Power Rangers started up in the afternoon cartoon line up. I could see where this was heading. The Simpsons was a primetime cartoon watched by adults. The Tick was a show that no kid would get, and now news had taken over Saturday morning. It is during this time that I decided we were doomed.

And I was right.

Think about it. The sudden prevelance of reality in the form of live action shows instead of cartoons and news instead of cartoons spawned a half generation of people who were forced to come to grips with “reality” some five years earlier then they should have. Adults were suddenly watching a cartoon that many children were not allowed to watch and kids weren’t watching cartoons because that had been replaced by manufactured news packages spawned by evil corporate executives to capture a larger mareketing share.

It did make sense on that level. The commerical was one member of a four member family watching TV in the morning. Then, with news, all four members were watching. I can just imagine the board meeting where this went through. CEO’s and publicists jumping on desks and dancing, now they had found a way to bore the hell out of everyone, and best of all the Network wouldn’t have to pay for it. All the affiliates would broadcast what news they could make and NBC would net the profit. All very tidy.

Their plan went so well that CBS would follow suit and only Fox and ABC, largerly supported by Disney, would continue broadcasting in Sarturday morning. The WB would jump in, but would constantly over show the six episodes they had of anything that wasn’t Pokemon (1998 or so).

Which leads us to now, where a disallusioned and saddened populace of kids turned pre-adults have forgotten the simple pleasure of watching a morning cartoon and instead spend time caring about news programs shown all day long spinning whatever ridiculous socio-political crap that news organizations want to make important that day. Years of media sensationalism spawned all because NBC didn’t want to entertain little Timmy with cartoons in the morning.

Next thing you know they will take breakfast cereal away from us. Bastards.

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: -soma-
Re: Travel all the way back to the 90’s…
Thank you for pointing out that Boy Bands are not in fact bands. Still, most people (including much of the music industry) referres to any musical group as a band. Now I know this wasn’t really the point in your post here, but I had do say something.

I can accept plenty of Nirvana bashing, but Soundgarden is a great band. I miss the nineties. Well, the first half of the nineties. Back then cool was cool.

Nickname: Junpei
Re: Travel all the way back to the 90’s…
OMG I’m old now!!!

Damn you Rodney! DAMN YOUS!!!

Nickname: chamblin
Re: Travel all the way back to the 90’s…
Boy, Rodney, if you think you and Greg were upset about losing those 5 hours of hedonistic adolescent bliss, just imagine how hard it was on your parents. Who do you think introduced you to cold cereal and cartoons on Saturday mornings in the first place?!

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: Travel all the way back to the 90’s…
The first half of the nineties was fantastic. The music was still semi-good and I was living in a house built in 1977. The second half sucked. Fortunately we’re breeding a new generation of internet-savvy youngsters who can download quality children’s entertainment like Transformers, G.I. Joe, Batman (in all of it’s forms), Superman, the Tick, and a plethora of others. Soon our children will be watching Strong Bad on Saturday mornings instead of the news. Don’t worry too much. Kids are resourceful and will find the news boring, no matter how much the TV tries to tell them otherwise. They will improvise, adapt, and overcome.

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: Travel all the way back to the 90’s…
You’re only old if you admit it.