Original article posted by thewendy:

i need to write something. spill some thoughts about some stuff. just because i don’t have anywhere else to do this but here- because i want the feeling of someone hearing my thoughts- even if no one comments. even if no one reads them.

i am happy in my writing. tired, exahsted. broken. rebuilt. broken. rebuilt again and again moment after moment of this program that is not just academic. it is political, spiritual, and very personal.

this is where my writing will take off. will turn differently. will do something different with my insides. even though i am not living here- the online prgram from what i hear is just as intense.

i am filled with hope. that i can do something with my writing- besides just write.

and i am scared that when i leave here that feeling will be gone.

it is strange- the timing of things. my decisions.

i am a teacher. i can not change that. so online program.

joseph cooper from new york- residency student. will be here in boulder. and some of you will be saying- my hell, isn’t there always some guy? yes, usually- i fall in love easily- i love the energy of people. but this guy. this one is different.

and the universe sucks because both of us are in places where we were not planning on meeting someone. we only came here to work on writing and then we meet each other and neither of us can do anything about the fact that i live in utah. that he may not stay in colorado the full two years. that we are both uneasy and unsure about commitment. that we are both in love and that there is a strong chance that the universe may not swing in our favor.

i am happy.
i am writing.
i am learning.
i am loving each moment, and living in each moment.
but tonight
i want something to be different.
i want the universe to make more sense. i want it to be easier. i want to be able to love this man. to be with this man. the whole marry and have 1 kid type thing.
yeah. scary.
me saying marry and kid in the same sentence dealing with me.

i knew it was a sign when i lost my pentacle on the way here.
i always lose neclaces, rings, etc at the start of change

when i leave here
i will be broken and rebuilt in more ways than one
all of them for the better
and i am excited-but sad.
i have no doubt that my bitter-sweet outlook on life will get even bigger.

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