Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 64 – June 28

I suppose I just need a set a more definate standard about what consititutes a good day.

Sure I got paid today, and I’m enjoying work enough to keep doing it for a while yet without freaking out and running to the hills.

I have a new bank account that is in the positive.

I found a place in town that will serve me Mu Shoo and at a price that I can purchase every week or so.

I just pulled four groups of black/orange/yellow Reese’s Pieces out of the bag with no extra anythings.

And I got to talk to Jordan today… for roughly 10 minutes before everything went completely to shit.

Not the regular sort of shit either. Not the sort that you get when life doesn’t like you. Not the kind that monkeys fling at you with wild abandon. Not even the kind that your mother told you to make shit-ade out of. This is the sort of flaming shit that occurs when space craft burn up on reentry and the septic tank comes loose and survives only to split apart in the lower atmosphere and hit your home, which is incinerated instantly, and you are only badly burned and left bald, scarred, and with a difficult story to tell that becomes the sort of thing that everyone says yeah, I know the flaming shit man Bob, hell I went to high school with that guy.

I try to avoid the violent rages of my past. I strive for a life where I sit quietly at home and have adventures in my mind and travel the world and write about the things that I think and the people that I meet when I get there.

But, alas, I must constantly be bombarded by people who think that I’m not only not worth their attention but that every action I take is in some way a direct and vile attack against them and their being.

I live to destroy the happiness of others. That is why I am depressed, karamic guilt from all of the lives I’ve purposely destroyed over the years for giggles.

I don’t giggle, so the rest of it is probably untrue as well.

Certainly, I might have, at one time or another, said something to you that you did not want to hear. That does not mean that I’m out to get you or that I hate you. With this in mind remember that when I offer you some piece of advice because you are having a crisis you are not allowed to tell me off and act as if the advice I was giving was a deliberate attempt to sabotoge your life or mock you.

It could be I actually want to help because I do things like that, if somewhat poorly at times.

And even if you don’t want to follow the above general guideline, you sure as fucking hell are not allowed to tell me that i’m only out to mock you and harm you and then call another person and be told the same thing and take it as great and sage-like wisdom.

That kind of hypocrisy will not stand. Will not stand, this agression will not stand, to paraphrase “the Dude” paraphrasing one of George Bush Sr. crappier and more misguided speeches.

So, I’ve been upset for most of the last 6 hours. what with all of the things attacking me and telling me I’m a bad person and all.

I have said it once, I have said it twice, I may have even said it four times in the past 63 journal entries, and I will say it again here: DO NOT PRETEND THAT I AM OUT TO GET YOU OR MOCK YOU OR HATE YOU OR ANYTHING ELSE IN THAT VEIN, IF I WERE OUT TO GET YOU YOU WOULD KNOW IT BECAUSE SOME LARGE PORTION OF YOUR LIFE OR ANATOMY WOULD EVEN NOW BE GASPING FOR AIR AND HOPING TO SURVIVE UNTIL HELP CAN ARRIVE.

I don’t want to keep typing some messages that make me seem like a deranged homicidal psychotic person, but I would like to point out, once again, that if you tell somebody they are something often enough it is entirely likely that they will believe it.

So why not say what a great and benevolent person I am from time to time instaed of just spitting bile at me. I would actually enjoy the opportunity to live up to a positive standard rather than always trying to get away from a horrific one.

Is it really that much that I’m asking? Really?

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Orginal comments:


Nickname: thewendy
Re: Flashpoint
i don’t think that i can comment without knowing what it was that was said.

have a better day.

Advertisements