Original article posted by Greg:

Dear home, friends and family,

Not much of interest this week. There was one time when I was riding down the street and an unmarked truck with some big mysterious looking oil drums drove by. The day was hazy, with an 80% chance of morning ominous. The truck hit a bump pretty hard. The drums were okay, but a small canister full of some green fluid flew out of the passenger-side window straight towards me. I got a quick glimpse of the letters “T.G.R.I.” and then deflected it towards a nearby storm-drain. The last thing I saw of it, it seemed to break open and get that green… ooze, I suppose you could call it, all over a puppy, snapping-turtle, some mosquitos, about 350 cockroaches, and a bunch of rats wearing little mini t-shirts labled “NYMH.”

I’m sure everything will be fine.

Well, I just wasted about 1/2 of my email time relating that story.

Other news: We baptized 3 wonderful girls this weekend. Hopefully more to come. It’s a great feeling to help people begin to find themselves.

Went into the old apartment (that was where we used to live.)

Having problems focusing again I’m not sure what the problem or the cure is… so I’m just trying to endure.

Somebody needs to purchase the following websites: “Neckbolts” and “forbiddenlemon” Because, dang, those are good website names.

Currently there is a kid playing bomberman online behind me with anoying techno music turned up really loud, which music he has increased the speed on by about 1/4 – so we have “The Chipmunks Techno Hits.” Yay.

Let’s go tracting.

Tracting is going out knocking on people’s doors, trying to find those who want to learn about these things. No not, bomberman online, purpose of life type things.

Most buildings we tract are called “Fivestacks”. A fivestack is just a five story building. The reason we tract them is because buildings larger than that usually have a guard. Guards don’t usually let us in.

We walk up to the top story and then tract our way down. Lately its gone like this:

me: Knock knock.

door opens

Person: What in the world?

Me: Hello, we’re missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We would like to share a message with you about Jesus Christ. May we come in for a moment? (and yes, I can say all that in chinese. hooray for me.)

Person: What in the world?

My companion: He said we’re missionaries. You probably didn’t understand cause he doesn’t speak so well. We would like to..

Person: Don’t use.

Person shuts door.

Okay, sometimes it’s like that. But a lot of times the main entrance to the fivestack is locked, so we have to buzz the doors. I have yet to see this actually succeed. Usually we buzz, explain who we are and what we want, they say thanks- but no thanks, and hang up. But every once in a while we get the uncautious person who just buzzes open the door for us without finding out who we are. Then we get to go up and show him that we’re not who he was expecting. He then says don’t use. We proceed to knock on every other door in the building.

Sometimes we knock on a door, I say all that I can think of about how great the message is, the person still hasn’t replied. Then I get to the part where I can either say, “May we come in?” or sit in ackward silence. Every once in a while, somebody says “Great. Come in.”

The upside of tracting is that sometimes we get to meet somebody and teach them a whole first discussion in the same meeting. It’s a really great feeling.

I really want to do un-christlike things to the speakers of the boy behind me.

My time is up. Somebody buy neckbolts for me.

Cogito Ergo Learn Chinese,
-Elder Hamblin