Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 69 – July 21, 2004

Strangely, this article will fail to be depresssing despite my incredibly bad mood.

It was orignially going to be the kind of piece that you often see out of me, full of bile and hatred and the things that I want to see changed in the world and why everyone’s opinion of me only serves to make me more angry and resentful.

But then I got a message from the Wendy that tells me she will not be visiting. This makes me seven more angry and suddenly…

I see the man behind the curtain and once again I can say with confidance and a wry smirk, “I’m on to you world.”

Because I’ve seen through the veil that the world was casting about me. I see the strings of Fate and the machinations of the gods and I know where I am and what is supposed to be happening, for you see, I have been here before.

This is the nexus, the place of calm where my decisons ring with clarity and I can see my path through the trees and I can navigate this path as easily as I can navigate the road from the Highlands back to Bastok.

One too many times, one obscure refrence.

So.

When I first started writing a journal back in January I had intended certain things for the entries. Certain truths would be revealed by me sorting through my day and laying down the concise, if not occasionaly humorous, exploits of my day. Things went wrong almost immediately in that plan, but the plan itself was not to blame.

I am a bad writer. I don’t really talk about the emotional impusles or implications of thoughts in my characters or in myself. I tend to write just the surface details with some flashy bits and enough angst to balance out the quirky humor. I don’t give the full scope of anything, no descriptions of anything or anyone. This anonymity disconects the reader from the work and makes it possible for me to write for pages about things that will ultimately only matter to myself and those who may know the subtext. The protaxis, if you will.

So.

I don’t write enough to stop myself from certain bad habits. I don’t read enough to remember what it is to dream. I do not work on the projects I assign myself because I would rather not do then fail.

Which is true of almost anyone, I only mention it here as to further elaborate on where I am and why.

In any given day, each of us is asked to make decisions based upon what it is that we are doing and where it is that we are going. I tend to think that if properly analyzed many patterns will form and a person could very well guide their lives based upon the pattern of decisions they have made so far.

I’m getting away into my head at the moment and cannot justify, prove, or elaborate on this, but I do think that it is important in more than one way, which I wish I could explain with greater ease.

For now, we will simply resign ourselves – I should say, that I will resign myself – to working on certain long term goals before working on any more short term goals. Short term goals tend to lose you amongst the vegetation and you can never see where you are going. Like chosing a camera angle that looks at your character so that you see every detail there, but shows so little of the landscape that you spend all your time checking you map in hopes of getting to where you are going. And while checking your map you cannot see yourself anyway and you run straight into a pack of Goblin Leechers and soon it is all over.

I apologize again for the obscurity of this reference, but for those who understand it I have just said something remarkebly profound.

My head is fogging up somewhat faster than I would hope. I will close now and sleep until I’m healthier.

If I could make a request of any reader out there it would be to simply follow rule number 1 of Rodney.

Sometimes the best you can do is just shake your head and say “Oh that Rodney.”

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Orginal comments:


Nickname: Cube
Re: So.
It is surprising how often those Leecher’s appear when you have a distraction of any kind cross your path, and by the way, let me be the first to say, that yes I do find myself on occasion repeating the phrase “Oh that Rodney”.


Nickname: thewendy
sorry
have found that needing to buy a computer, 14 books for my classes, getting into a new apartment, buying some more supplies for my classroom, living, and gas for truck has become more expensive than i’m used to and my budget is limited by small utahteacherpaycheck.

other words-i’m close to broke. would love to visit. would love to talk you into not thinking and ony just writing.

so i’ll send you words instead of me. turn off that silly thing in your brain. just write. non-stop for 5 minutes, no editing aloud.

stop thinking.
very bad for you.

sending hugs

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