Original article posted by Greg:

My companion, elder Rowberry, is a super-nice guy who I have been getting along well with. I appreciate very much how patient he is with me. He is a humble, and hard working missionary. He also likes to have fun. There’s a t-shirt that says “They Call her Diamond Jones” that he really wants to buy. So, for the past week, we’ve been saying things like, “Diamond Jones could get us into this apartment building.” Or “Diamond Jones knows how to spread the gospel.” It’s stupid and funny all at once. Especially when you add on the funky bass guitar and brass section after everything that Diamond Jones says.

Baw! Dee dee wah Bah BAH!

We were trying to find people to teach in an apartment complex when a guanli, or security guard for the unenlightened, came up to us and asked us to leave. I was about to say “Okay, bye, sorry for bugging you.” when elder Rowberry said “Nope. We have to share this message.” Then the guanli, a concerned citizen (nozy lady) and the head guanli proceeded to argue with me for about 15 minutes while my companion continued to buzz doors and ask if anybody was interested in hearing about Jesus Christ.

So I ended up speaking chinese for 15 minutes to 3 people who wanted me to stop what I was doing, or at least stop my friend from doing what he was doing. I’m pretty impressed with myself.

They ended up following us upstairs to find out if somebody had really let us in to talk or not. The head guanli even went so far as to push shut a door in front of me while I was talking to the lady who lived there.

That made me mad.

Afterwards I was riding home trying to decide how I felt about it. We did find some people who wanted to hear more, but we also made some people mad at the church. My companions standpoint is that this message is too important to just back down whenever a guard tells us to go away. I decided I felt good about that interpretation. And I figure that he gets to be Batman right now, and its my job to cover for him while he goes out and fights the forces of not-so-good. Even if that means arguing with people in Chinese for 15 minutes. In other news, we had my first really good thunder storm here a few days ago. I decided tropical storms can be pretty cool. It was a lot better than the typhoon – which amounted to sprinkles and a breeze. The thunder storm rocked. It even blew up a building a block or so away from where we were riding our bikes at the time. That was loud. Zone conferences were on Monday. It was incredible. I gained a new appreciation for Joseph Smith. And for other prophets. I can’t imagine having enough faith to endure what these men of God endure. Especially Joseph. That man had a hard life. And he accomplished a whole lot in the 20 or so years of his life from the start of the translation of the Book of Mormon till the end of his life. When you compile all he did and said into one place, it’s absolutely amazing.

I love being a part of something so spiritual and enlightening that it leaves your body exhausted afterwards, even though you didn’t actively do anything other than maybe listen and take notes. Wow. And in a final note, yesterday I learned that there’s no convenient place to dispose of pornography in Taiwan when you’re a missionary.

I know because a guy decided he didn’t want to have that filth in his house and he gave us two big bags worth to throw away for him. The problem is there isn’t such a thing as a public dumpster or trashcan, and we couldn’t really justify keeping it at our house until the off-chance we had the garbage truck run by. So we pitched it over the wall of a paper recycling yard, and hoped that nobody would dig through it before it got recycled.

I guess porno and missionaries just don’t get along.

And on that note, good bye for another week. As always, your letters or notes are appreciated.

-Elder Awesome in the 24th dimension.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: Not to worry. I’m a professional.
Well Elder Awesome, I’m glad to hear that you are getting to be Alfred after he became your hero. I have also been using my powers for awesome. I got the last piece of what I need to defeat my enemies and send in my papers. We “found” my shots record. w00+ x3.

Kentucky was fun. It was more fun the farther from it I get. There are only a few things worth mentioning. #1 is that I learned much about how the regular Army and the National Guard function while activated. I think that if a suitable career does not present itself reasonably soon after I return from the mission, then I will probably go regular Army. #2 is the story of the exploding gun gag and the cadets who fell for it. While we were giving our safety briefing, someone inside the gun turned on the exhaust fan (which is loud, but harmless) and started yelling “Turn it off!!! Turn it off!!! Run!!!” Then the crew comes piling out the back and we take off for the woods. It’s amazing to see what someone can do if they are running for their life. We had a lot of fun doing that.

That’s all I have to say about that. -Blaine