Original article posted by Greg:

As an added bonus into the life of Elder Hamblin, this week you get to peek at my grocery list (and I quote): “Jar, sponges, pain killers, ping
pong ball, mantos, tissue, rice or beans?” To me, the question mark
indicates I wasn’t firm in the faith when I decided to add ‘rice or beans’ to the list. I’m sure I probably meant “Ice cream” instead.(2)

You may be able to tell, I’m waiting for the inspiration to strike.(3) I know I haven’t got a lot of time to write, but, as I’m lacking any response to last week’s email, I’m stumbling at the starting line.

First of all. Jesus went to India and studied under the Dhalhi Lhamha(4) and then returned to Israel to teach and spice things up with his own ‘stuff’. I learned this fact from a helpful man we tracted into. He was so impressed that our religion teaches about a pre-existence that he decided he needed to convert us to Buddhism. He then proceeded to say, in response to pretty much anything we’d say, “Oh, sure. That’s really from Buddhism. You fellas would really get a lot out of Buddhism. You should go check it out. They have it in English you know.”

Later I realized this man was the devil, and we shouldn’t have been so patient with him. The devil. Just like the foozeball. (5)

You know, I’m pretty darn hilarious when you know what I’m talking about.

Oh great. Avril just walked back into the room. So much for the spiritual thought I was about to share.

News: I discovered a large cavity on one of my favorite teeth. Terror and dissapointment reign.

Also, yesterday I got to help a grandma put up a chicken coohp. She must have just had a drink of liquid ninja or something, cause she was climbing up the trees, walking across the roof, putting nails through solid beams with one strike of the hammer, etc. The old ladies in Taiwan are scary. They pick up and hurl scooters with ease and abandon.
In that order. Anyway, it was fun. We chased chickens for fun, too.
But only the grandkids could catch them.

Now for something slightly uplifting, I hope.

We were riding down a street in Banqiao one night when a guy screamed at us, waving a cross on his keychain.

Naturally, we pulled over.

He said to us, “This is my protection.” We said to him, “We have better. Would you like to learn more?” He said yes.

The first time we met with him he came in with smoke on his breath, teeth stained red from binglan, flakes of skin on his face and hands, bathroom sandals on his feet, cracked fingernails, messy greasy hair. He couldn’t seem to hang on to a lot of the ideas very long. Everything about this guy said he’s just another half-crazy that we seem to meet everywhere.

But he wanted to learn more. So we taught him to pray to his Father in Heaven, and gave him a Book of Mormon to read.

The next time he showed up early. We didn’t want to invite him to join the church right away, because we aren’t supposed to baptize people with mental problems, and we couldn’t tell if he fell into that category or not. So we taught him about repentance and how great it feels to overcome mistakes.

We decided we’d invite him to live all the commandments. Then, if he could do that much on his own, we would set up an interview with the bishop to see if he was capable of joining.

The third time we met with him he was a lot more attentive and focused. We taught him the commandments – including the word of wisdom, which teaches us to keep away from smoking and that binglan stuff and other unhealthy things. He thought about it for a minute, and then said okay.

Just before I moved to Ji An we were riding down the street on the way home. A man flagged us down, so, of course, we went over. It was our investigator friend. But his face and hands were clean. His teeth were white. He was standing up straight. His hair was neatly combed. He was obviously “all there.” He was smiling and happy.

The message is this: The commandments of God are not for him to control us- because we don’t have to do anything we don’t want to. But if we want real satisfaction with who we are, if we want to find some lasting happiness despite circumstances, we can follow the path that God has outlined through his commandments.

This is the plan of happification. Get happified.

Notes:

mom: please research and send info (readers digest version, including
pictures) about the banana spider. We’re dying to know if they really have them here and if we’ve seen them.

Jodie: wo unto the younger sister who is too busy to email her handsomest brother back.

Kaye: Thank you for not telling me about movies. Cause I want to watch them a lot.

Dad: What do you want for your birthday? Well, too bad because I’m combining your birthday and christmas presents. But not to worry, I’m sure other people will give you separate gifts.

Julia: Did you get my letter?

All: I am now in the habit of making custom cards for any who desire them. For a custom made Elder Hamblin card, please write to: Elder Hamblin, Floor 4, Number 24, Lane 183; Chin Hua street; Taipei 106; Taiwan, R.O.C.

-Elder Optimus Hamblin

(1) except to advertisements, which may occasionally cause you to careen into unsuspecting mass transit units.
(2) 7-11 is having a 2 for 1 sale on ice creams this month. Please send donations to the Elder Hamblin Ice Cream and Fun Run Fund.
(3) Not just inspiration, but THE inspiration.
(4)Elder hamblin’s thought on Hindu spelling: When in doubt, add an H. It’s just like Cthulhu! (5)See Waterboy for more information on what qualifies for “the devil”.

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