Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry82 – April 24, 2005

Jeffery Rowland may or may not be dead as of today. I wonder how this possiblity may or may not effect my life.

But that really isn’t an important thing. Not really, but sorta and but sorta can be the most revealing about the person who said it I have found.

Or maybe I didn’t find that. I really just don’t know.

What I am rather certain of is how much I’m beginning to dislike this keyboard. It keeps sticking and the space bar may or may not be giving out. Perhaps I should put some amount of practice into using my left thumb to press the space bar, but even as I type this sentence I find my mind mentally battling for the dominance of the right thumb over the left and unless I concentrate I will always use the right, and even if I do use the left everything just seems wrong. What I should do is work on using the thumb of the hand that pressed the last key before the space. That might train me in a more useful fasion, or maybe the opposite hand. Regardless of that nothing will fill natural.

This is the part where I turn the above paragraph into some metaphor for how my life is working. That in some way the things that are wrong are just excamples of me using the wrong thumb or too much of only one thumb.

However, I will not do this thing, mostly because it is completely ridiculous. I don’t think I have any reason to go flying that far into obscurity. After all, I started wtih the thing about Jeffery Rowland, and none of you even know who that is.

What I would like to go in on and on and on about is one Greg Hamblin. Co-consipirator in many of my lifes journeys and foibles he has been dramatically lacking in presence in many of my more troubling times and at this time is off across and ocean or two doing missionary work for a Chruch (capitalization used for rhetoric purposes) that i don’t believe in and therefore find myself thinking my best friend is away missing out on my life an me on his for no actual reason.

I resent this Greg Hamblin for doing things with his time that I find so totally worthless. And more then that, I also find the drivel that he writes about such experience to be infuriating. I do not go in for his concept of the importance of one type of fulfillment over another and I find it difficult to tolerate his attitude.

This is the majority of the reason that I have not written to him since he has been gone. I have nothing useful to say to him, everything I want to say is bitter and unsuportive and if nothing else may actually just be argumentative for the sake of being argumentative. I miss my friend and loathe the organization that convinced him to go off and do something so inane.

There, I’ve said it.

I would not say that I actually blame anything that has happened to me during his abscence on him. I’m just saying that there are things that you will do in your life that other people will not understand and will be unable to support you on. For me, this is his thing. This is the thing that he is doing that I will possibly always hold against him and will lead to many bitter arguments and choked silences throughout the remaineder of our lives. I would like to pretend I agree with him or feel some amount of joy in his accomplishments, but it simply isnt’ true.

Actually, if you would like to know, I give a little inner cheer whenever he reports that he has failed at giving a talk here or baptizing there and so on. Go those people, don’t be suckered in by the nonsense.

………………………….

There are just so many things to do in life, so many view points that people will have, to be trying to convince someone else that your viewpoint should overtake theirs? Nonsense, utter nonsense. Okay, if you were in an open dialouge where everyone shared an idea and then everyone learned from it… great. But it isn’t about the pursuit of truth or knowledge it is about the subjugation of one person to the ideals of another person. That is why Christians call it “conversion” and Buddhists call it “enlightenment.”

I’m just saying is all…

No one has to believe me or change their opinion from this.

I’ve always like Dennis Miller for that, he ends all of his monolouges with “Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.”

You might wonder why it is that I’ve suddenly decide to say all of this? It is because I am in on a kick to be more honest with myself. I don’t like that my good friend, this Greg Hamblin, has run off to do so many nonsensical things and yet so much of what he writes seem like little jabs at me, things he wants me to suddenly light upon and begin to turn, nay “convert,” to his ways.

Well, no. Sorry, but no. I will not be converted, I may be swayed and I may grow and I might agree, and occasionaly I will acquiese. But I will not be converted.

Anyway… y’know… that’s just what i think, it isn’t law or anything.

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

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