Original article posted by Greg:

A lot of the time I find myself awake the night before preparation day,
thinking of all the moral stances I want to make. Often they are so
numerous that I could coreograph a very bold and yet conservatively
boring performance for the BYU dance team.

But they wouldn’t do it because it would require the wearing of short
shorts and screaming like a howler monkey.

I don’t know if I have mentioned, but I’m something of a blind man on
the site. I don’t post directly to the site, nor do I read any of the
postings on it, nor do I ever even look at it, with the exception of
comments posted on my articles – because they are printed out and mailed
to me by loving relatives. So I hope that I am not missing anything of
importance or humor. I hope and encourage reviews of movies and music
to be written in the reviews section. Because – Dang. I know some of
you are really good at scathing reviews of poorly done movies (even when
compared with a standard such as tripe.)

And the short shorts are just out of the question at BYU.

I can imagine my sister, who will probably be going to BYU in the near
future, reading this and thinking “Wow, my brother is so weird.” And
being correct in every way.

I’m given to understand that my good friend, Blaine, is ramping up to
ship out soon. To him I can say, with experience, that to walk without
rhythym is to avoid the noid.

My philisophical cutco knife has been dulled to the accuracy and
usefulness of a garden hoe. This is the problem with not being able to
go out with certain nameless best friends to expensive italian
restaurants while cursing the world, enjoying the scenery, singing along
to music, and later going to bad martial arts movies and making up lines
for the equally bad acting.

Luckily, I have found that when other friends of mine have gone on
missions, the friendship was instantly and easily resumed at their
return. I have no reason to doubt that this will be the case with all
my friends at home – and especially with those who I love the best. I
remained convinced that this time has and will be the best way I could
have spent it, given any other options. I also believe that all my
faithful friends will be thoroughly blessed and uplifted (whether it be
by Karma, Conscience or God) for their support. So I guess I’m just
trying to say thanks for caring about me, and I still care about you,
even over time and distance, and run on sentences are good for the soul,
and I consider you my faithful friend no matter current circumstances,
and I remain yours as I am best able to the time being, and surely a
great rejoicing and road trips are in store for us as we remain strong
in our afflictions. Therefore, by beloved bretheren, let us be

I enjoy waxing scriptural in my language.

Then I my waning is of cartoon.

I leave with you all my blessing, my hopes, my thoughts, and my
unguarded room full of tangible goods. And if that’s not enough for
you, I also send a batarang.

Yeah. Amp that up if you can, chump.

Just saw an ad for the newest batman movie,
-Elder Pennyworth