Original article posted by bluesman:

Asmodeus knew that today would be the day.

As the customers walked into the QuikyMart, all he could think of was the impending carnage and destruction that awaited them! Oh, the unquenchable fires that would melt the flesh off of their apostate bones! As Asmodeus refilled the 32oz cups, he pictured the screams of agony that would accompany their demise!

Last night’s blood ritual, that most delightful of magus pasttimes, had provided ample signs in the mess of chicken blood and rat bones that littered the floor of DeathMonger’s mom’s garage that today would be the beginning of the Apocalypse! Well, ok, not chicken blood–Asmodeus tried, but his first attempt at catching and eviscerating a chicken had only left him with a small scar on his left hand and a deep and abiding fears of the unpredictability of chickens. But, what does that matter to one who can command the demons of the 7 Infernal Pits? In the end he got some corn syrup and dropped in some red food coloring. Now he had the necessary medium to communicate with the nether-spirits! The rat bones had been easy to come by; Charlie’s–I mean, DeathMonger’s–mom’s basement had plenty of mouse bones still clanking together sadly in the traps scattered around the cardboard boxes. Asmodeus knew that Belial, the Wrathful One, would overlook these small discrepancies. He knows it’s not so much a matter ingredients as it is raw, elemental magus power! The power of the mind! Asmodeus knows how to perform the correct hand gestures to call up the screeching hell slaves! Granted, he has to take off the spiky wrist bands and neck collar (they do poke one’s flesh so), but after that, watch out!

Yes, today would be the day.

Had not Asmodeus himself read the signs? Of course! Well, he wasn’t completely sure at the time whether that mouse femur laying atop of the ribcage meant “death for all unbelievers” or “your lucky number is 8”, so he opened up the “Beginners Guide to Sign Reading” to find out which it was. Nothing in his mess on the floor of the garage was to be found in the book. But either way, what does it matter? He is a magus! He can perform transmutations! He can enslave the souls of beast and man alike! As Asmodeus pondered this, he was rudely interrupted by a fat customer asking if he could replace the empty Pepsi syrup dispensers.

“Fah! How about I inscribe a pentagram on your pudgy chest so that a fiery imp may burst forth from your chest? How would you like that? Ha ha!”

Today would definitely be the day.

“Look at this pathetic loser, asking me if he can use his debit card! Your credit card will be useless to you when the Seven Horsemen come! Ha!”

Amid the shouts of “Where is the bathroom?”, “Turn my pump on!” and “How do I get back onto the interstate from here?” Asmodeus is calmly anticipating the advent of Ragnarok. The soda, spit and hot dog relish that is slopped on his shirt as he works only fuels his rage! How these people will wail! How they will cry out for death! Asmodeus grabs his Walkman as he goes out to empty the garbage bags. Damn! His sister has taken out “Demon Flight” and left in her Britney Spears again! Ohhh, the audacity! A curse waits for you, sister, after I get off!

Today might be the day.

It’s almost time to go, but Asmodeus still has to change the washing buckets, fill the ice machine, and sweep the floors. Asmodeus looks up into the skies, but oddly does not see dark clouds of doom, or the crimson tails of brimstone falling to the earth. He wonders. Maybe he was off a bit in his calculations. That’s ok. Next week he has a trip planned to GothWorld and Lisa–I mean, NightSister–is planning on going.

Asmodeus really likes NightSister–she is the coolest 19th level Witch that works at the Burger Barn.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Asmodeus
Re: A Day in the Life of Asmodeus
Bravo, good story, I likes, except replace chicken blood with my own, devils prefer human sacrifice, so I have to use my own blood. Oh and I dont predict future events, not my thing you know. However I do believe in the Antichrist and do believe that entity is Nigh.

Oh yeah by the way too, most spells I do not one ounce of english is spoken. Want to learn how? Use your thoughts concentrate and see it that is all you have to do not talk the other relm does not care for spoken language.

Oh yeah and one other thing though, your credit card will not be useless to you it will be used against you and money will not exhist at all it will be credit only.

that is all I guess good story though, except for the ending cant i be the guy that flips out in the 7-11 and wastes everybody with a sawed off shot gun, really that sounds more like me, maybe gut a few people as the police come in and pump several rounds in me.

Nickname: Stephanie
Re: A Day in the Life of Asmodeus
You know, that is seriously disturbing.
Not the story, that was actually pretty funny. But the comment. With the gutting people and the sawed off shutgun. I say “ew”
And that is all

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: A Day in the Life of Asmodeus
This is an absolutely hilarious story! Kudos to the man who wrote this.

Nickname: Asmodeus
Re: A Day in the Life of Asmodeus
Like where is my Like book of morman, like i so dont care right now, you are just grossing me out, oh whatever.

Nickname: Stephanie
Re: A Day in the Life of Asmodeus
Can you say childish? Because that pretty much decribes this comment.
And just because I happened to live in Utah for a few months doesn’t make me a “molly mormon”, so don’t jump to conclusions so quickly, and don’t think that my reaction stems from religious zeal.
And on another note, I would like to request that you tone down your entries a bit, or I will do it for you.