Original article posted by Cornelius:

If you’re not familiar with the joke, stop reading and go find a Jonny Cash song called “Boy Named Sue” and listen to it. Then, resume reading.

I can relate to this young man. About two months ago I was walking up a ladder to go on shift in a guard tower. When I reached the top the two guys who were waiting to be relieved said, “Good morning Uma!” I looked at them and said good morning back. I had no idea what to say. What do you say? They just called me “Uma.”

It turns out that they had been having a conversation about actresses (Uma Thurman, for one) and one of them decided that I was going to be, from that time forward, “Uma.” Whatever. You can’t win against fools, so I might as well play along. It could be worse I guess. They could have given me a name that wasn’t even a name, like “Cube”, for instance. (No offense to Cube intended. Or the man who named him.)

So anyway, I figured that they’d get bored of the joke and it would go away. Not so. Those two guys started calling me “U-MA!” everywhere they saw me. Yes, that’s how it’s said too. “U-MA!”

After about three days, everyone in my Battery started calling me that. I guess it stuck. It’s been two months and that’s all they call me. Someone will ask for Anderson and they’ll say, “Oh, you mean Uma. He’s over there.” I go in to the chow hall and someone will say, “Hi Uma! What’s up?” Then everyone else looks at me funny.

So now I’m Uma, I guess. I know how the boy named “Sue” feels. The difference between us is that I have accepted my fate and decided not to harm those who gave me the name.

Orginal comments:


Nickname: Asmodeus
Re: My name is SUE! How do you do?
Yeah I would not let that get to you. I myself have been called all sorts of names from Nazi, satanist, pussy, asshole, queer, dick head, you name it I been called it. Those things almost never bother me at all, of course i am nearly emotionaly dead to the world anymore, my life is full of propaganda anymore.

I call Kellie, Kellers of course she is or was ok with that, I made sure to ask her if it was ok to call her that. But only I get to call her that, it is mine no one else can have that not her current boyfriend nor any of her friends, that is one thing I will slap the shit out of a person for, is taking my heart given name and using it witho out my permission.


Nickname: Cube
Re: My name is SUE! How do you do?

Grumble Gramble….. I think Cube is a fine name…. but then Bearded Blaine you need to remind these men what your real nickname is.

-Cube Out


Nickname: Cornelius
Re: My name is SUE! How do you do?
I never had a real nickname Cube. Many people have tried to name me many things over the years and none of them have stuck. “Cornelius” has been relegated to a screen name and “Bearded Blaine” is more of an adjective than a nickname. I don’t even have a beard anymore. Who ever called me “Bearded Blaine” with any regularity anyway?

You’re right though. Cube is a fine name. It can’t be a fine name if no one uses it. Then it doesn’t do its job. “Cube” does that. It is a fine name.

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