Journal of a Night

Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 86 – December 6, 2005

Someday I hope that I get tired of breaking people, because there are only so many times you can hurt people before you start being an even larger jackass by assuming you need to be punished for it. Nothing says hubris like I need to be hurt because I have hurt. Because your not saying I have done a bad thing and need to be reprimanded for it. No. What you are trying to do is say that I obviously need to hurt more than that person so that in the end I win. Whoever is in the most pain at the end of the day is the one who is truly the victim and therefore in need of the most sympathy.

I refuse to be in pain, because I am not the one who needs your sympathy. I’m the guy who needs your scorn and derision and anything else you can muster… but if you really want to get at me you should say nothing. The silent treatment is the best way to get back at a person like myself because I will spend all sorts of energy fighting myself and won’t have the tempermant or reserve of strength necessary to justify my position. I’ll just break down and repeat that I am a bad man until it all stops… which hopefully it will not stop, that would be the best part, eternal torment is a really good idea for Hell, never let the fuckers stop feeling bad about the shit they did to someone esle, they don’t deserve a break, they’ll just fill it with bullshit justifications about it all.

There has got to be a way to stop me from destroying myself… there must be a way to convince me that I have to make up for everything, not be punished for it, but instead actually make reperations. I must fix my life and the oozing sore it has become. I should not be allowed to torture and humiliate all of the people around me in the way that I do.

I should be forced to quit school and work my ass off until I pay off my debts. To be forced to live on the street because I do not pay my rent, to starve because I bought comics with my food money… to sell all that I own to try to pay some of it back because there is no place to actually put all of this stuff and I don’t deserve to have it if I’m not willing to actually fight for it.

I wish that I could just fall apart in front of people instead of walkiing of into the sunset and collapsing off camera. I should drop the survivalist ego trip and just fall over and fall apart in plain veiw of my friends and enemies so that they know that I am human and not some sort of monster.

I should a lot of things… but suffice it to say that I am not a well person, my health, in all avenues and regards has broken down of late and I find myself working closer and closer to the state where I sleep most of the day and drown myself in time consuming pointless activity so that I don’t have to think and so I don’t have to remember and so I don’t have to be accountable for anything because I haven’t done anything.

I cannot time travel and fix everything at some point of inception where it all went wrong… but I certainly would even if it meant giving up my immortal soul or even worse succumbing to the oblivion of self death.

I don’t deserve to live because I have shown time and time again that if it ever came down to me or you I would kill you myelf if it meant living for one more tortured day… for no other reason then to prove I’m better than you.

Which I am not, I’ve just got a better PR agent.

Forgive me God, for while I cannot forgive myself I will find something else…

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, Bonne nuit je fait mortis.

And I couldn’t even write that properly… I’ve been too lazy to learn.


Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 85 – November 11, 2005

I called a sucide hotline tonight. Not because I’m having any sort of tendancy… I just wanted the answers to some questions.

I’ve been reading again…. comics mostly, and some short stories, some poetry… short things, but things that are printed and that take time and effort to read… and they have been opening up bits of me that refuse to stay down regardless of how often I personally put bullets through the back of them.

I would be a great deal better off with some dead bits… all burned out and unable to function anymore, never able to think or see or feel or disagree with the majority.

Democracy is the theory that people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. -HL Mencken.

It is so hard to disagree with a man of such pith.

I need, rather, I will or must remind myself why it is that I started all of this in the first place. Or, more importantly, what am I currently after, because it really doesn’t matter what I was originally after, what is important is what I want now. I’ve lost all sense of purpose and direction and I desparetaly need both.

So below will be a jumbled bunch of sentence about things I give a damn about and then I’ll figure out what the pattern is and start categorizing them by importance, then we’ll see what kind of life i could eventually/soon/maybe living.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: Too much social defiance…
I like the quote about Democracy. I really wish I could help you, but I’m too far away, or rather, too out of the know, to give you specific advice. I firmly believe that prayer and the scriptures have the vast majority of answers in them. I can’t tell you more than that. I wish I could.

Nickname: Asmodeus
Re: Too much social defiance…
I am one person that understands, there is probably no one you know that knows how you feel better than I do. I do have something to say but I will write you in private for that. You are not feeling suicidal like most people do, however its there, tucked way deep down inside your being. You don’t know who you are anymore, that is why you hate it when people say they know you how can they know you if you cant even understand yourself?

Well ok maybe that is how “I” feel right now. I personaly would love to get rid of how I feel, taking away the emotion love is what I seek most right now, Kellie helped me along with that one. How would it be to not love or not feel, just be a cold calculating machine!?

Hmm well that is all I guess, see you around and good luck pulling through, its hard but eventualy you will pull through it and than it will come back so on and so forth.

Nickname: Junpei
Re: Too much social defiance…
You’re suggested first to resort to scripture and prayer(1), then you get a nice comment from the resident satanist(2) who mostly just talks about himself. While this is amusing, something like a digital version of shoulder angels maybe, I really can’t leave you like that.

(and yet, in 3 attempts, everything I write below this line just comes out as too wordy. fuck.)

Maybe I’ll just leave you with a vague sense of an idea and then remind you that you know where I live and that I go to bed at ten. Deal? Deal.

Success is nice, but it will not give you purpose. Perhaps helpful, perhaps not, but something I have found.

I offer one suggestion, as well. I have often done something extremely similar to what you’re attempting to do, in your soon-to-be-written jumble of sentences. I imagine myself lying in a grass field, because I like grass fields and I particularly like lying in them. I cut off anything that is a responsibility. I become untethered, a word I have never used to refer to this until now. I just cut everything off. It’s sort of like reverse suicide. I kill the world rather than myself. I remove it, and remove it’s influence, and leave only myself behind. Then, I wait for desires to come. Eat, sleep, warmth, these generally come first. Then I want friends, then I want a few comforts and mild pleasures. I do like a good video game, which are rather difficult to come by in grass fields untethered from the rest of the world. Eventually, I usually end up picking back up the responsibilities that I ditched earlier. I find that their benefits outweigh their pressures. But it is nice to be free of them long enough to realize why I keep them. Sometimes, I don’t pick a responsibility back up. I find I’ve outgrown it, or find it not worth the effort, or otherwise don’t need it. Sometimes I’m inspired. I think I just like re-accepting my life, under my own terms and at my own option.

Well, that got wordy too. But it’s a purer thought than my first three attempts. I apologize that I seem to be mostly talking about myself, something that I just criticized another for doing a moment ago. I find that relating to personal experience is the only ability I have to help someone. Who else would I trust to know better? Perhaps it’s helpful, perhaps not. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so open.

Anyway. If you’re around tonight, I’m up until ten and you know where I live.

(1) admittedly, with good intentions
(2) the ‘i hump teh devil’ kind, not the ‘I believe in mankind’ kind.

Nickname: Asmodeus
Re: Too much social defiance…
your local satanist has something to say. Define success. AWWW such kind friends you are, telling him its all going to be ok truth is it wont be ok it will get worse look at this hell we call life! We all have purpose, good or bad either way its purpose you never lose that, it only changes.

I wish I could kill myself, if only god was so merciful to allow me to get a gun point the barrel between my eyes, pull the trigger and BAM, its all over. Unfortunately legion will not allow me to do that, and none of you could ever understand why I can’t.

Yup my friends it is a shity ass world we live in. Welcome to the age of the fig tree. Oh and for the record I read the bible more steadily than any of you, and my lords name is not satan, but Lord Belial. Now why would a satanist read the bible? Think on that riddle a moment.

Nickname: Olorle
Re: Too much social defiance…
I think you are missing something of the point of life, Asmodeus. Just because things are bad has never really been a reason to stop. In fact, it’s ussually the only reason to keep going.
“Won’t it be dull when we rid ourselves of all these demons haunting us to keep us company.”
– Barenaked Ladies

Nickname: Asmodeus
Re: Too much social defiance…
I dont think ravenpaine is suicidal, however I also can not tell him it will be ok like everybody else does, cause the way I see it we are not ok. Kellie would think that i would want him to take his life, but that is not always the case, I happen to think he is pretty cool, and it takes a lot of character to stand back and understand someone who is not normaly understandable. Everybody thinks Kellie is this great person, and at one time I would say the same, however I see it the other way around. Kellie destroys frienships and lives, I am begining to see that now. I think for someone that is so educated, Kellie lacks communication skills she can not relate to people.

I however can relate to people of all types the sick or the normal, though I would say to you if you asked me to act normal around certain people, i would ask what is normal?

Some previous history of me, I used to believe that humans needed to live with the planet rather than against it. But a lot of people have taught me that, it is impossible for us to do so. The world is retaliating, and I see it if we are hit by an earthquake and all die or a hurricane than of course we deserve it.

Antichrist to me, I see Antichrist as cleaning the planet of our filth, because he will tempt us into filth and darkness once you let it in it never goes away it just destroys.

As for me and Kellie all I ever want from a woman is for her to love me as I do her, it is misinterpreted as sex, however I have had sex with women but they did not love me.

As for the Legion, Legion is an army of devils I am apart of them and they are apart of me, if I die they die, hence they will not let me kill myself and I will go on doing what they want me to do to my part of the land, none of you will be affected by me unless you yourself come to the northern part of utah or you have family and friends here. to give you an idea here is what the dark voices inside me say:

Cover the skies black with our Miasma and they will suffer too much to harm you.

That is all i have to say about that.

Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 84 – October 31, 2005

There are certain days when I tell myself not to overthink everything, to go witht he flow and start to live in the moment and get into the rhythm of the dance of life. There are other days when I tell myself that the thing I most want to do is the definatively wrong thing to do. There are days where I know what I should do and why I should do it and I do nothing of the sort. There are days where I make the most exacting decisions on pure impulse and find that I can suceed at tasks that daunt teams of experts. There are days…

Hubris happens.

Somedays you are so much more full of yourself than you actually have a reason to be. There are days where you should have more confidence in you and the group of people you have recruited through life to assist you. There are days where you will betray the trust of everyone one of those people because you are ultimately flawed.

I claim to be a fatalist. I claim to adhere to a creed of come what may you cannot control what will happen to you in life you can only do what you are going to do about it. But most days I find myself slipping into the incredulous hole of “everything happens for a reason.” All actions are deliberate, all moments occur because they will occur everything that will ever happen is going to happen because that is what will happen.

I’m uncomfortable with any predeterminism theory that isn’t used to seduce a british woman.

The most appaling actions of my life are all things in which I have… and I do regrett using this term… a lack of agency.

Damn it all, no. I had a lack of will. I was in the situations and I did not do waht I should have. I did not do what i should not have. I did not DO anything. I walked into these events and just went on autopilot, letting anyone and anything make my decisions for me but me. And I have paid for each of these moments to a degree that is nearly unfathomable. I try to blame myself for the misery and ruin in my life, in fact I punish myself daily for things I did so long ago I cannot remember the color of the carpet in which the event occured. And yes, I was there, I did do these things… but again I didn’t really DO anything. I did nothing and now I’m punishing myself for it. I allowed the bysstander effect to be perpetrated in my own life.

I keep thinking about all of the things that I’ve done in life and I keep comparing them to the way I currently live and I have found that back in the day I was always doing something. Now, however, I may be lucky to do ONE thing a month that I care to repeat to anyone, and even those things I’m likely not to remember because they are so awash in sea of apathy as to lose all color and flavor.

Unfortunately these insights do not, on their own, change my life. If antything I must take this as the start of what I’m actually supposed to be doing.

Doing is what I’m supposed to be doing. Not sitting. Not thinking. Not acting out. Not worrying or wallowing. Doing.

And this here? This writing thing and the reading thing that inspired me to do it? Those are the things I’m supposed to be doing the most. They are the things that I really DO that no one else can do. This is what I’m here to do.

No funny ending, stay tuned.

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: Someday…
I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but I’ve got to say it anyway. Living the Gospel is the only way to be truly happy. My life has taken a dramatic turn-around in the last few years. It’ll work for you too, if you’ll let it. God loves you and so do I.

Nickname: ravenpaine
Re: Someday…
I believe you, really, I do… It’s just that I’ve got this thing against Micheal and Peter… and I keep thinking that they’re in charge….

Nickname: Asmodeus
Re: Someday…
God Has foresaken us he put us on this hell we call earth, tells us to love, yet he put’s all sorts of rules on us, telling us how we should love. No, I hate God, and I hate the Christ and I hate most men and christians. The christ died in vain for me.

Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry – Too long since to remember at all
June 22

I should, by any and all usual definitions, be livid at this point. There are so many things exploding and falling apart in my life right now that you would think that I would rise up like a mighty being from some legend and begin the process of destruction and rebirth necessary for the coming of a new and better age.

Instead I’m cleaining urinals three times a day for upwards of 14 hours.

And I still cannot pay my rent, so I still get to live like a vagrant from place to place and moment to moment.

I have no clean laundry. I’m wearing swim-trunks instead of underwear. I have not showered in 4 days, my scalp is starting to feed upon itself, my hair can stand nearly 1 foot straight up when coaxed, and I have something that looks like a fungal bloom growing on one of my toes that shows no sign of giving up and leaving.

Right now, however, it is in remission. Taking a stick of pumice to your skin will do that. Shure its bleeding all over and I’ve swapped bandages on it three times in the last 2 hours, but I may very well have saved myself from a rot just this side of leporsy.

I need a home. I do not normally live well outside of a home and right now I don’t have any of the things I normally need to stay alive and well.

Mostly I live on in the pursuit of a dream, or the ideal of a dream, or the ideal of the personification of an ideal of a dreams mystical half-thought. And if I take a moment to realize just how unlikely I am to succeed at that dream? There wouldn’t be enough of me to scrape into a small wet sack.

And I suspect that that bubble will burst once and for all this Friday. Which leads me to wonder why it is that I’m hoping so much for Friday to arrive. Am I such a thrill junky that I need this “eye of the storm” kinda time just to reflect, to aspire, to set my self up to fall properly and good and hard? Or is hope just one of those blinding things, no matter how much you know it will not pan out, you refuse to give up and aknowledge that?

Any of it?

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Cornelius
Re: Pain Threshold
I don’t know what to say other than God loves you and so do I. I can’t do anything about it either. All the advice I can give you is if you think you are being wronged by the Creator of the Universe, try talking to Him about it. It worked for me.

Nickname: Asmodeus
Re: Pain Threshold
Hmm I dont know about the whole God loves you thing, but I get you, I once was also in your position of sorts except mine began almost three years ago I had no home and no food i just left, i slept in a chemical test site for weeks on end I have the burns to prove it and I did finaly get a job! I spent two years at that hell only to come home and run into a girl I had not seen in five or so years only to once again piss her off and I wont see her for another ten.

So i feel you there and when this was written it probably seemed like nothing was going right now I am sure it is not that way anymore but the scars will always remain from the past, a new age does begin the end of the sixth and beggining of the seventh age is almost upon us, the spirits have chosen to clear us out with pestilence this time I believe.

I can tell you talking to Deus (God) is futile i did it most of my teen life and it got me nowhere (ex LDS here, if you want I can tell the story of how I became what I am today it starts with Deus)

I wonder what you were setting yourself up to fail with? I hope it was not a girl, been there done that over and over and over again, they are not of value trust me! Oh yeah and watch out for the one you call -soma- do not turn your back on that one she is weak but she is smart the only reason she can not totaly over come me is because I know better to underestimate her and she does underestimate me quite a bit so I have the power in my hands not hers.

Oh sure yeah she tells me she is never talking to me again of course but that has no sway over me she did that once or twice already and I did not see her for a long time anyway plus if she goes to school here up north it is very in my power to be able to find her whenever I want to anytime i want to so the power is not with her it is with my choice of if I want to see her I will see her anytime “I” choose.

By the way she will take that as a threat, easily threatened to I might add, if it was her you were after I would have to say sorry dude she only likes queers! I am safe she hates my ass, probably has a dislike for you too I would imagine! Am I right?

Anyways if you like to piss her off if you ask me I can tell you how to piss her off, its not hard, but if you really really want to piss her off I am the guy to talk to, i am honest to an overbearing nature.

Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry82 – April 24, 2005

Jeffery Rowland may or may not be dead as of today. I wonder how this possiblity may or may not effect my life.

But that really isn’t an important thing. Not really, but sorta and but sorta can be the most revealing about the person who said it I have found.

Or maybe I didn’t find that. I really just don’t know.

What I am rather certain of is how much I’m beginning to dislike this keyboard. It keeps sticking and the space bar may or may not be giving out. Perhaps I should put some amount of practice into using my left thumb to press the space bar, but even as I type this sentence I find my mind mentally battling for the dominance of the right thumb over the left and unless I concentrate I will always use the right, and even if I do use the left everything just seems wrong. What I should do is work on using the thumb of the hand that pressed the last key before the space. That might train me in a more useful fasion, or maybe the opposite hand. Regardless of that nothing will fill natural.

This is the part where I turn the above paragraph into some metaphor for how my life is working. That in some way the things that are wrong are just excamples of me using the wrong thumb or too much of only one thumb.

However, I will not do this thing, mostly because it is completely ridiculous. I don’t think I have any reason to go flying that far into obscurity. After all, I started wtih the thing about Jeffery Rowland, and none of you even know who that is.

What I would like to go in on and on and on about is one Greg Hamblin. Co-consipirator in many of my lifes journeys and foibles he has been dramatically lacking in presence in many of my more troubling times and at this time is off across and ocean or two doing missionary work for a Chruch (capitalization used for rhetoric purposes) that i don’t believe in and therefore find myself thinking my best friend is away missing out on my life an me on his for no actual reason.

I resent this Greg Hamblin for doing things with his time that I find so totally worthless. And more then that, I also find the drivel that he writes about such experience to be infuriating. I do not go in for his concept of the importance of one type of fulfillment over another and I find it difficult to tolerate his attitude.

This is the majority of the reason that I have not written to him since he has been gone. I have nothing useful to say to him, everything I want to say is bitter and unsuportive and if nothing else may actually just be argumentative for the sake of being argumentative. I miss my friend and loathe the organization that convinced him to go off and do something so inane.

There, I’ve said it.

I would not say that I actually blame anything that has happened to me during his abscence on him. I’m just saying that there are things that you will do in your life that other people will not understand and will be unable to support you on. For me, this is his thing. This is the thing that he is doing that I will possibly always hold against him and will lead to many bitter arguments and choked silences throughout the remaineder of our lives. I would like to pretend I agree with him or feel some amount of joy in his accomplishments, but it simply isnt’ true.

Actually, if you would like to know, I give a little inner cheer whenever he reports that he has failed at giving a talk here or baptizing there and so on. Go those people, don’t be suckered in by the nonsense.


There are just so many things to do in life, so many view points that people will have, to be trying to convince someone else that your viewpoint should overtake theirs? Nonsense, utter nonsense. Okay, if you were in an open dialouge where everyone shared an idea and then everyone learned from it… great. But it isn’t about the pursuit of truth or knowledge it is about the subjugation of one person to the ideals of another person. That is why Christians call it “conversion” and Buddhists call it “enlightenment.”

I’m just saying is all…

No one has to believe me or change their opinion from this.

I’ve always like Dennis Miller for that, he ends all of his monolouges with “Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.”

You might wonder why it is that I’ve suddenly decide to say all of this? It is because I am in on a kick to be more honest with myself. I don’t like that my good friend, this Greg Hamblin, has run off to do so many nonsensical things and yet so much of what he writes seem like little jabs at me, things he wants me to suddenly light upon and begin to turn, nay “convert,” to his ways.

Well, no. Sorry, but no. I will not be converted, I may be swayed and I may grow and I might agree, and occasionaly I will acquiese. But I will not be converted.

Anyway… y’know… that’s just what i think, it isn’t law or anything.

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 81 – April 1, 2005

(Entry 80 was written March 3 but lost in a server repair incident)

I find that having a journal is the only way to call yourself on your own bullshit. And yet, I have, apparently, not been paying attention.

Have you read the stuff I’ve been spouting for over a year now? I’m stuck in a rut talking about how I’m stuck in a rut. Almost 80 posts of hatred and bile and nonsense whining all coming out of me and directed at me. What the hell man? Someone should have just told me to knock it off at some point. Where is that guy? The knock-it-off-Guy? Did he get fired and not replaced? Is that what’s going on around here?

So i’m posting a job opening. Anyone who will just call people on their bullshit so we can all move on. Pay: unlimited, hours: unending, benefits: being hated by everyone. Apply within.

Ah… So that might have something to do with why we cannot fill that possition at the current time. Well, regardless the point of the matter is I’m not going to keep doing that. Anything that I might have needed to say in the field of “this is my problem and woe unto me” has been said, ad naseum, and now I’d like to get on to something else. I have projects that must be hit in the face with a tack hammer, and a lot of spare tack hammers (come to think of it).

I’d like this bold statement of new motives and upward mobility to be longer and more full of pith, but as I have often said, and perhaps have always said appropriatly, I’m low on vitamins. And if I’m low on vitamins then my supply of pith must be completely depleted.

So, until such time as I go to England, or make friends with an unfortunate British female and her family…

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

And for tonight, also,

Livin’ high on caffeine and Jazz.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: Junpei
Re: Have you read this stuff?
As I recall, you told the knock-it-off-guy to knock-it-off.

Original article posted by ravenpaine:

Entry 79 – November 11

There was a time, let us call it 120 years ago(ish) when a person could have a problem and leave his home thinking terrible thoughts and feeling terrible things and disliking the universe in general. At this time the person would go walking down a street or along the path through the village and suddenly this person would be faced with mortality and they would emerge changed.

Which is all a complicated way of me saying that I want more problems that I can stab my way through.

When is it that death stopped being the solution to every problem? When is it that the wisdom of my man Yugosh Ville became so difficult to carry out. After all if Stalin did it then anyone should be able to do it. What did he have that I didn’t, aside from opportunity, no consciounce, and the fortune of being armed with an ice pick at just the right moment. I’ve been carrying around an ice pick for nearly two decades now. I want my fucking opportunity.

Or maybe I’m just a little off at the moment. I’m low on vitamins again. I’m also low on the essential nutrients of hope and success. Times like these I would like to be threatened by a problem that came for me right at my face, maybe even at my eyes. All these problems that wander around picking my pocket and doing the rabbit ears behind my back are just plain annoying. I could swat them but there seems to be no adventure in it.

I say things like that but then I’ve been in a slump for going on 8 years now. Obviously I need to change tactics. I think the thing that I have stopped fighting with in the past while that use to serve me well as a heavy metal object of braining and whacking and harming and survival is my sense of deranged manic humor.

There were times in the long ago, in the Before Times, in which I would beat the stuffing out of any problem by spouting nonsense phrases and sheer grit at it until it not only went away but went away weeping at the pee stains in its pants. There is a card in my wallet, purchased for $1.50 at a shop in a mall in Colorado nearly 11 years ago that says, “Sometimes the only sense you can make out of life is a sense of Humor.”

And dammit, that card was right. That was why I purchased it while eating my Pop-Tarts that served as my only source of nutrition at the time. And it felt good, both the purchasing and the Pop-Tart nutrition.

I’ve heard that there are these far off places, like in Europe, where people do not hate themselves. Places where no one is familiar with the term “self-loathing.” I would like to visit these places and Grok of their Mouth Music. I would sign up for their newsletter and I would actively kidnap citizens of other countries and force them into leaky oar-rowed ships and bring them to this marvelous land. And I would feel good while doing it.

If all things are supposed to be in moderation then where the hell have all the moderators gone. I haven’t seen anyone moderate things for as long as I’ve practiced self-hate as the only true religion.

Come on people, I”m fucked up around here and I’m not ethically allowed to whack people around for how bad I”m feeling.

Somebody has got to fix at least one of these problems because I have got entirely too many late night television shows to stare at bleary eyed and full of hate.

Let the revolution of torment begin! Pain for all people who deserve it and rejoicing and cash rewards for those of us that just want to create something beautiful and profound in the world.

I may not be in the best shape of my life, quite the opposite in fact, but that will not stop me from running headlong at the opposing forces cursing their names as they try to take me down.

Can I get an Amen?

Rodney TGAP
Bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all.

Orginal comments:

Nickname: ravenpaine
Re: Vengeance…
Amen my brother, amen.

Read this again late night April 1, 2005.

I really like me somedays…

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