Stephanies Journal


Original article posted by Stephanie:

Hello village people! Not the ones with the strange costumes, but the ones who are like myself and write far too rarely.
I’m doing well! I’ve been living down under for 8 months now, and we’re finally starting to come back into the warm season. It has been so cold for so long that I forgot what it’s like to wear sandals. I’m looking forward to walking barefoot on the beach again.
I love the beaches here. It’s so cool to look out across and to think that somewhere across all that water is where I came from.
So I’ve been working for the past 5 months. I’m the office manager of a picture framing company, which is actually far more fun than it sounds. I’m constantly creating new things, and I own far too many frames now. It’s an excellent job, and they value me so highly there, it’s a great feeling.
Alister and I are doing well, in fact, we’re moving into our own flat in a week! We’ve been in a large house with 2 room mates since I arrived, and the time has come to be on our own. We were lucky enough to get a flat that is everything we were looking for and more! We’ve just spent far too much money on house things, a fridge, a washer, and a king size bed! But it will be so worth it. And they’ll even let us have a cat.
Very exciting, for me anyway. Otherwise, life is pretty quiet. But I’m happy with that, I’ve always been a quiet person.
The only real problem is that I continue to have a problem finding new friends. I have lots of nice people at work that I love talking to…at work. They are all too old or too young to be friends (we’re talking 45-60 or 16, no in between). The society here is such a drinking society, that I can’t go out to make friends without them pressing drinks on me. I made the decision to not drink, and I prefer to not be put in a situation where I feel obligated to.
And of course, I miss my family. I did come back to California last month to visit. The two weeks went by too fast of course, but it was great to see everyone. Especially my little brother and sister and my 2 nieces. They’re all getting so big it’s nuts. My 15 year old brother is like 3 inches taller than me! And I’m a tall girl.
Ahh well, it’s to be expected.
The unexpected came in the form of my dad walking out on my mom, to move to Idaho to live with his girlfriend. A week later and I’m still in shock. I’m not speaking to him, I’m utterly ashamed of him, and I’m sad that I know there is so much of him in me. That’s just low, to ditch your wife, your kids…just cause *shock* you’re turning 50 next year and you can’t handle the fact that you’re not a 17 year old high school football star anymore. The bastard.
Hmm. I meant this to be a cheerful entry…
In any case, I block out the bad and relish the good. I’m so excited about moving, spring is here and is just beautiful. I love my job, I love my boy, and things are good in my world.
Hope someone who reads this smiles and remembers me.
Stephanie

Orginal comments:


Nickname: Cornelius
Re: Just when you thought you were rid of me!
I remember you, you wierdo! I’ll bet you thought you were rid of me. Well, you’re not! Bwaahahaha!!!! I’m glad that you love life, but I’m sad that stupid people are doing stupid things to you and yours. Me, I’m having a blast. Quite literally. I work next to the guns and they fire all the time! BOOM!!! BOOM!!! BOOM!!! It’s great. But I am lonely. There’s not the ladies over here like there used to be. Not that I was ever much of a player, (or really one at all) but its nice to hear a lady’s voice and I haven’t in a long time. Also, I miss those times by the fake fire late at night…Oh well. Its good training. There will be a bigger, more comprehensive entry soon. And then…Something. I don’t know what, but something! Yeah! Talk to you later.

Your whatever,
Camoflage

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Original article posted by Stephanie:

So I’m moving to New Zealand now. Well, not now, in 5 days. I just received confirmation of my visa yesterday, so it’s official now. I’m moving to another country, freaky.
I don’t write on here much. I’ve never felt quite at home here, but I do check in from time to time. When I’m out there maybe I will write more, as I will be unemployed for the next couple of months.
If anyone wants to send this to Greg, that would be good. I am bad and haven’t written to him in a while either, which is no good. But maybe I can do that more when I have more time. And hey, maybe postage will be cheaper when I’m closer. Will I be closer? Hmm….need to look at a map.
Anyway, news is out, I’m leaving Utah *YAY* hope you are all well.
Stephanie

Orginal comments:


Nickname: squishous
Re: Well I’m leaving now
Hey Steph,

this is Russ! Have fun and be safe. I have always wanted to see the toilets swirl in the wrong direstion. take a picture for me!

-Russ

Original article posted by Stephanie:

So I work at Parowan Days Inn now. And Best Western. My jobs are easy as jobs go, and mostly I like the people I work with (the one exception being the owner of BW)
I don’t make very much, but considering where I live, I do ok.
I’m going to New zealand again. And again. Considering that that’s all the news I seem to ever have in my life, it’s not overly exciting. But Me, I’m excited. W00t! 6 weeks and I’ll be there, just a visit. And then 3 and a half months after that, I’m there for good.
Yes, I’m moving to New Zealand. It’s freaky. Terrifying. And I can’t wait.
Now I just have to save up $5000. The fact that I just spent a thousand on a plane ticket isn’t that smart I suppose, but oh well. I don’t pay rent, I can save that much.
Guess we’ll see what happens.
I would write more. But now I have to leave my first job and go to my second.
k, bye

Original article posted by Stephanie:

He’s arriving in 12 hours. Wait, make that 11 and a half hours. Yes, I’m counting down. Yes, I’m nervous as anything. Yes, I’m so excited my skin is hardly containing me.

It’s only been a couple of months, but I’ve missed him more than I thought possible. And the thought of seeing him makes me shiver. It’s all I can do not to drive down to St George right now to await the plane.

He’s not going to be here long, mostly time to relax again in each other’s company until he’s whisked away again. I’m so sick of it all. The endless waiting, the anticipation building to the climactic arrival. Then the despair and the disappointment when one of us has to leave. I just want him to be with me as a constant.

I want the pain of seperation to end, or I feel like I’m going to burst. But I know that no matter how hard it gets, I will wait. He’s worth it to wait. He’s worth it to work 2 jobs and have no life and no friends for a while. What we have is far more valuable.

For now I really don’t want to think about the ins and outs. I just want to revel in this part of it all. The excitement, the anticipation. The random smiles and the dancing, knowing that in just a few short (achingly endless) hours, he will once again be mine only.

Original article posted by Stephanie:

It seems to me that this place has sorta died. That sucks. Is it because it’s summer?

Well it’s winter here. Thus, cold. And I have a cold now. Which are the really bad parts about it.

The good parts are the people, and the accents. Oh, and the friends and one very sweet kitten.

I have recently sorta gotten back with my ex. It seems that when we’re 7000 miles away, we can do broken up. But put us in the same room for a few hours and everything else is forgotten.

Am I stupid? Oh yeah. Am I typical? Double yeah. Am I in love and sappy and romantic? Once again, yes. And there are no promises, who knows what’s going to happen. But I think we’re trying again.

In any case, he’ll be back in good old Cedar City in August. For my birthday. I get a kiwi for my birthday! 😀

So someday I’ll figure things out with him. And hey, maybe I won’t. But I’m happy when I’m with him, so I’m going to enjoy it and look to tomorrow some other day.

Stephanie

Original article posted by Stephanie:

So I signed up for a singles website. What can I say, I have too many hours alone. I’ve been talking to several hotties a night, and I can’t say I’m hating it. I’m feeling rather like unto a hottie myself these days.

But it’s so empty. So meaningless. I’m not sure what kind of meaning I’m trying to find, but I tell you, there’s none to be found.

I know, I don’t expect everytime I talk to a guy to be a revelation, but a little spark might be nice? Something besides this empty black hole?

I did find the perfect man, but alas, he’s married. He’s so awesome, I almost wish mormon leaders would reinstate polygamy. (ok, so I don’t mean that, but gee..)

This is the last weekend of the play I’m in, and then…emptiness fills my schedule. Until of course, I go back to NZ to see my ex and I return again to this heartrending pain.

Remind me why I’m going again?

Oh yes, seeking closure. Plus, I left my favourite pair of capris there, that’s important. I get more an more scared as the date of my departure looms closer and I keep asking myself that vital question:

“How could I have been so STUPID??”

I’ve spent $1000 on closure. I should have been satisfied with some chocolate and maybe a facial. But no, I’m a glutton for punishment AND a not-so thrifty one.

Ahh well, what’s done is done. And now I am.

Original article posted by Stephanie:

Ok, so not good reasons…but you’ll let me talk about it, right?? Oh thanks…

First off, let me say that I’m pathetic and stereotypical. Meaning I’m being such a girl about my ex. I’m trying to stay friends with him, I’m trying to convince myself that I’m ok with it. But no. Everytime I talk to him, it’s like the knife is still in my heart and he’s twisting it (hello to the pain). And yet, I still talk to him, I yearn to talk to him. I’m not being psycho stalker about it, but I really do need to just stop and push him out of my life.

Really, I haven’t spent much time with him or thinking about him. But, thinking about him at the moment, so he goes first.

Friday is opening night of the Parowan community theatre play, The Music Man. You should go. I don’t have a big part, so I won’t ruin it for you. It starts at 7 and is only $5, unless you can convince them that you are under 12 or over 55…

Now that I’ve plugged that, let me say that working on this play has been a mixture of heaven and hell. I’ve had tons of fun, but the fun has been mixed fairly evenly with backstabbing and cat fights and just small town politics. Blah.

But, it’s almost over. After next weekend…well, we’ll be starting to work on a new play. Ha.

I’ve been a slacker in most other things in my life. My friends remain unvisited. Greg remains..unwrited. And my bed remains unmade.

I’m going to New Zealand again next month, for better or for worse. Well, pretty much for goodbye. I’m determined to have a fabulous time, so I have several friends promising to take me out and help me party. It could so easily be a sobfest, but I’m so dang stubborn…I’m going to make it happy.

The rest of my life is a blur. I’m just waiting to feel normal again. I don’t know if that is stupidity or laziness… But I’ll figure it out someday.

I hope.

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